Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such Situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations

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Many public assert that it is better to deal with any

situation

while

others believe

instead

of adapting to the

situation

, it would be a better idea to solve the problems and alleviate the

situation

. I firmly believe that we should work for improvements and not simply give up in diverse situations, whether we can handle it or not. On the one hand, many hold the opinion that we should adapt to any

situation

. Sometimes, some situations are out of our hands,

thus

, dealing with

tough

Correct article usage

a tough

show examples

position

is the easiest thing anyone can do.

Also

, many

population

Change to a plural noun

populations

show examples

do not want a fancy life or high-income job, so they just want to live in the moment and enjoy their life

instead

of going outside and clamouring for justice or putting their lives at risk.

Similarly

, many

nation

Change to a plural noun

nations

show examples

believe in heaven and other worlds, so they do not bother themselves to make a good environment to live in. They claim that in the other world, they can have a better life because their god promised them.

While

I know many

society

Change to a plural noun

societies

show examples

have these thoughts, I strongly disagree with

this

notion.

On the other hand

, it is perceived by some that

instead

of adapting to any

situation

, it is better to try to make the

situation

better. I totally agree with

this

notion for several reasons.

Firstly

, a large amount of the facilities and amenities which we use on a daily basis have been made by the hands of people who wanted to change

the

Change the word

their

show examples

position

and tried their best.

Secondly

, as human beings, we are responsible for making the

position

better for the next generation.

Lastly

, in many cases, dealing with dire situations can make the conditions much worse.

For instance

, many citizens in poor countries do not complain about their household expenses or bank interests at all. The result is expenses increase every month and they have to buy fewer products. In conclusion, many

community

Change to a plural noun

communities

show examples

believe that dealing with any

situation

is a good idea,

while

others claim that it would be a better idea to try to make the

position

better. I agree with the belief that we should try our best to make the

situation

better.

Submitted by amir1375.6 on Sat Jul 27 2024

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task achievement

Your essay could benefit from clearer explanations and more specific examples to support your points. Try to elaborate on your ideas to add depth to your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow of your essay by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help maintain coherence.

introduction conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are appropriately placed, but the introduction could be more engaging. Also, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.

task achievement

Your essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, which is good for task response.

coherence cohesion

You have made an effort to structure your essay with distinct paragraphs for different viewpoints.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

367 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

adversity
resilience
stoicism
contentment
cope
adapt
endure
persevere
settle
ambition
tenacious
determined
resourceful
optimistic
self-improvement
proactive
initiative
transform
overcome
confront

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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