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Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such Situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
Many public assert that it is better to deal with any
situation
,
while
 others believe
instead
 of adapting to the
situation
, it would be a better idea to solve the problems and alleviate the
situation
. I firmly believe that we should work for improvements and not simply give up in diverse situations, whether we can handle it or not. On the one hand, many hold the opinion that we should adapt to any
situation
. Sometimes, some situations are out of our hands,
thus
, dealing with
tough
Correct article usage
a tough
show examples
position
 is the easiest thing anyone can do.
Also
, many
population
Change to a plural noun
populations
show examples
 do not want a fancy life or high-income job, so they just want to live in the moment and enjoy their life
instead
 of going outside and clamouring for justice or putting their lives at risk.
Similarly
, many
nation
Change to a plural noun
nations
show examples
 believe in heaven and other worlds, so they do not bother themselves to make a good environment to live in. They claim that in the other world, they can have a better life because their god promised them.
While
 I know many
society
Change to a plural noun
societies
show examples
 have these thoughts, I strongly disagree with
this
 notion.
On the other hand
, it is perceived by some that
instead
 of adapting to any
situation
, it is better to try to make the
situation
 better. I totally agree with
this
 notion for several reasons.
Firstly
, a large amount of the facilities and amenities which we use on a daily basis have been made by the hands of people who wanted to change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
position
 and tried their best.
Secondly
, as human beings, we are responsible for making the
position
 better for the next generation.
Lastly
, in many cases, dealing with dire situations can make the conditions much worse.
For instance
, many citizens in poor countries do not complain about their household expenses or bank interests at all. The result is expenses increase every month and they have to buy fewer products. In conclusion, many
community
Change to a plural noun
communities
show examples
 believe that dealing with any
situation
 is a good idea,
while
 others claim that it would be a better idea to try to make the
position
 better. I agree with the belief that we should try our best to make the
situation
 better.
Submitted by amir1375.6 on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from clearer explanations and more specific examples to support your points. Try to elaborate on your ideas to add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help maintain coherence.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are appropriately placed, but the introduction could be more engaging. Also, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, which is good for task response.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to structure your essay with distinct paragraphs for different viewpoints.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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