Some people say full time students should spend most of time studying; others believe that they should do other activities as well.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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According to
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many individuals,
school going
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school-going
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people should fully concentrate towards their
studies
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while
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others think leisure things should
also
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be done by them. I fully agree that
students
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should not only concentrate towards
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studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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but
also
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take part in other
activities
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. The first and foremost reason for
children
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to take part in social
activities
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is, it helps to freshen up their minds which
as a result
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helps
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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grasp more knowledge. These
children
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should plan
out
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apply
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to watch movies,
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
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new places, having
adventure
Fix the agreement mistake
adventures
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with their friends. To exemplify, a study done by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Harvard University suggested that people who are publicly active have more knowledge and get better grades compared to
students
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who spend more time in a room studying.
Hence
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, spending time with friends plays a major role towards
studies
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.
Secondly
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,
activities
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such
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as sports
helps
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help
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to maintain the physical fitness of
children
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. As there is a saying "
Health
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is Wealth",
students
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will only be able to focus towards
thier
Correct your spelling
their
studies
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only if their
health
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is in good condition.
For instance
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, Kiran Bedi, an IAS officer of Mumbai is a marathon runner, she maintains her physical fitness
aslo
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and
in an interview she mentioned she was able to study because her
health
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never got worse.
Therefore
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, physical
health
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is important for
full time
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full-time
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students
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.
To conclude
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, social gatherings and sports play a vital role in
children
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's lives. These
activities
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help
students
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boost their memory grasping skills
as well as
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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to maintain their
health
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which
also
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help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
them to remain
stress free
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stress-free
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and maintain more focus towards their
studies
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sandip.princess on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by presenting both viewpoints and clearly aligning with one. However, make sure to maintain uniform details in the introduction to accurately represent the overall opinion expressed through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are coherent and generally well-connected. Nonetheless, strive to achieve a logical flow in your paragraphs by using more transitional phrases.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors and improve the accuracy of phrases; this can boost clarity and ensure that your ideas are more comprehensible.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the two perspectives and your own stance.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and convincingly support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured, with distinct introduction and conclusion sections, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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