IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antartic. What are benefits or disadvantages for tourists visiting such places?

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Recently, the number of tourists who are coming to
places
Use synonyms
 where surroundings are challenging has increased, especially hot and cold
places
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such
Linking Words
 as the Sahara Desert and the North Pole, the Antarctic. The benefits of
this
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travel
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 are to explore, get an impression of nature, and see breathtaking scenery. Being
under
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in
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 danger and the limitation of supplies are the drawbacks. It is becoming more and more popular to visit uncommon
places
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 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourists because a great deal of them are interested in exploring, want to see a beautiful view, and
also
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 take impressions about the environment. Why do
travel
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 numbers grow up year by year? Even all the scenery passed through social media is not pleasurable, and they do not provide feelings
such
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 as adrenalin and a feeling of nature. Another case is to try to surround
as well as
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 to learn what technologies can help a place based on ad condition.
For example
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, a person in Britain called Josef Henrik has a
travel
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 blog on Instagram, and he often visits mountains and
places
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 covered with snow to
have
Verb problem
gain
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 more knowledge about
places
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 and give advice to other mature vacationers. Other contrasts for
this
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 kind of trip are that there are no supplies and danger. Some of them die
this
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 way because of not being able to survive and a lack of shortages in food and essential equipment. Most
places
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are
Verb problem
have
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 not discovered yet, so
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adventure voyagers pay attention to all things and situations
in
Change preposition
apply
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there.
Furthermore
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, extreme conditions in these areas can pose a significant risk.
For instance
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, the Sahara has scorching temperatures,
while
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 the Antarctic offers little margin for error and is far from help. A person
who
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whom
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 I mentioned above always says that if you have no experience or cannot defend yourself,
such
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 as in the Antarctic and mountains, you are in danger.
Overall
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,
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while
Correct word choice
apply
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it has
Add an article
a benefit
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benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 for
travelers
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travellers
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 to get or know about inconvenient
travel
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 spots like the Sahara Desert and the South Pole. And several dangerous aspects are considered to be bad for visitors.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the question and covers both benefits and disadvantages of visiting places with difficult conditions. However, it could be more structured to clearly differentiate between each point.
task achievement
Try to stay focused on the topic throughout the essay. The paragraph about Josef Henrik could be more specific in showing how his experiences reflect the benefits or disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Improve the overall logical flow of the essay. Some parts seem disconnected, and transitions can be smoother. For instance, the contrast between the benefits and disadvantages should be clearer.
coherence cohesion
Divide paragraphs more effectively. Avoid large blocks of text to enhance readability. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be clearly linked to the next.
task achievement
Your essay management and handling of the question are good. The reader is able to understand the main points you are making.
task achievement
You have successfully mentioned both sides – benefits and disadvantages of visiting challenging places, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction gives a clear idea of the topic and sets up the essay well. The conclusion also summarizes your thoughts effectively.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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