IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promption and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products. what problems does this cause? what could be done to encourage people to buy local products?

#businesses #budgets #promption #people #gravitate #products
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It is said that marketing and promotion are the important parts of large
businesses
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 which big budgets are advocated to them in order to
persuading
Change the verb
persuade
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people
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 to buy their
products
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.
This
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 phenomenon has led to some problems, and it is necessary that several actions should be implemented to encourage
people
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 to purchase local
products
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. First of all, marketing in huge
amount
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amounts
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 of size can damage the culture of a society. Local
products
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 are usually
represent
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representative
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 of regional traditions and customs, and they are
heritage
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the heritage
a heritage
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 of some generations. With
introduction
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the introduction
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 of new
products
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,
people
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 through marketing may
Add a missing verb
be convience
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convience
Correct your spelling
convinced
 to buy them.
As a
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result
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, local
products
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 would gradually be forgotten, in fact, the regional culture would be forgotten.
For example
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, there are different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of cheese produced by local
people
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 which ways of making them
heritate
Correct your spelling
heritage
hesitate
 from their ancestors. By marketing,
people
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 may attract to market cheese, which in turn leads to forgetting
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 traditional cheese.
Furthermore
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, marketing by large
businesses
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 can lead to widening the social gap. Retail
businesses
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 cannot mainly afford to advertise widely.
Consequently
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, their jobs and
products
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 would disappear because
people
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 may prefer to buy well-known
products
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, and their
products
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is
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are
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 not enough famous.
As a
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result
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, part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the lost
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lost
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loss
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 of their jobs may become poor, leading to
widening
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the widening
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the
Change preposition
of the
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 social gap. Some actions should be
done
Verb problem
taken
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 to
people
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 persuade to buy local
products
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. Governments should support the local
people
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 or retail
businesses
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 by providing opportunities for them to advertise their
products
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 in
billbords
Correct your spelling
billboards
 and other similar ways.
As a
Linking Words
result
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, when
people
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 see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
familar
Correct your spelling
familiar
 brands, in shops,
attract
Wrong verb form
attracted
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 towards them and buy them.
In addition
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, the values of traditions and customs should be culturised by either authorities
and
Correct word choice
or
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 local
people
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.
This
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 purpose can be done via social media or other communication means,
such
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 as TV or magazines.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
, the general public can be informed significant importance of traditions, and buy local
products
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 in order to cultural preservation. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 large
businesses
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 have put big budgets for marketing and promotion, to persuade
people
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 to buy their
products
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, local
products
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 should be supported by authorities and
people
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 in order to
keeping
Change the verb
keep
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 the cultures and
prevention of
Replace the word
prevent
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 making social gap. These purposes would be achieved by culturalisation and advertisement.
Submitted by hg1984 on

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grammar
To achieve a higher band, address grammatical errors and sentence structure to enhance clarity.
content development
Elaborate more on specific examples and link them directly to the main points.
content
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and purpose of the essay.
structure
The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, making it easy to follow your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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