IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal informations such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. discuss both views and include your opinion.

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In today's job market, some employers solicit personal
information
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 from candidates; like marital status and favourite
pasttimes
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pastimes
past times
. Some argue that these details can be of use as they may provide insights into the applicant's character and routines that could, in turn, affect their
performance
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 if hired. Others,
however
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, suggest that individuals' personal lives are irrelevant and useless for employers. Whilst some may claim
otherwise
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,
it is clear that
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 these details are important as certain personal preferences are likely to hint as to the way potential employees may perform at
work
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. On one hand, some may see the solicitation of personal
information
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 as
an
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apply
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unnecessary as the way
people
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 choose to live their lives outside of
work
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are
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is
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 very unlikely to
transate
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translate
 into their
work
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performance
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.
Moreover
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, there
are
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is
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 a cadre of instances where
people
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 partaking in activities that some may consider
irresponsable
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irresponsible
, like drinking and partying, actually perform very well in their professions. Elon Musk,
for instance
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, is
a
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apply
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notorious for attending parties outside of working hours. Despite
this
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, he has successfully established a number of large businesses like Tesla and SpaceX. Contrarily, some
people
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 believe that certain personal
information
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 can, indeed, have negative consequences
in
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on
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people
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's
work
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performance
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 as they can have negative physiological consequences that prevent employees from performing as expected.
People
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 that pursue
marial
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martial
 arts as a hobby,
for instance
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, may struggle to even come to
work
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 after a fight. A well-known example of
this
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 may be Connor McGregor, who stated that he would constantly fail to come to
work
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 because of the damage he received during fights.
To sum up
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,
although
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 not all personal
information
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 of employees
are
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is
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 relevant to employers, it is certain that some, like those mentioned above, are clear indicators of
performance
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, and
thus
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, are important points of consideration when evaluating candidates.

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Detailed Explanations
Clarify your points further and provide more detailed explanations to support your arguments. For instance, elaborate on how personal hobbies can impact job performance beyond the examples provided.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and smooth transitions between ideas to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
Language Accuracy
Double-check for minor language errors and improve sentence structure for greater clarity. For example, ‘marial’ should be ‘martial’ and ‘transate’ should be ‘translate’.
Balanced Discussion
The essay presents a balanced discussion, considering both perspectives on the topic.
Use of Examples
Relevant and specific examples are provided, such as those of Elon Musk and Connor McGregor, which help to illustrate the main points effectively.
Clear Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a framework for the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural fit
  • teamwork
  • marital status
  • stability
  • commitment potential
  • discrimination
  • bias
  • job performance
  • recruitment
  • holistic view
  • soft skills
  • personality traits
  • privacy invasion
  • job requirements
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