IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

All criminals should have access to education and rehabilitation programs while in prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree on this IELTS topic?

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The bar chart illustrates the comparison of percentages of
global
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the global
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 population on
wealth
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share
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, which are measured in percentages in 8 different
regions
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.
To begin
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 with, the
wealth
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share
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percentage
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 value of North
America
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 is approximately 33%, which is dominant compared to the other
regions
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. The runner-up, Europe, has 3% less than North
America
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 at 30%. In the third place, Rich Asia-Pacific has an estimated
percentage
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 of 24%. The 5
regions
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,
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such
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apply
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asLatin
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as Latin
America
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 and
Caribbean
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the Caribbean
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, Africa, China, India, and other Asia-Pacific have less than 5% of their
wealth
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share
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.
On the other hand
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,
regions
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 with a high
percentage
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 of population
share
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has
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have
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 an opposite trend of
wealth
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share
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. China is very dominant with a
percentage
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 of about 22% compared to the other Asia-Pacific
regions
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, which were
also
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 improving
with
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at
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 16%. India and Europe have the same amount of 15% of
wealth
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share
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than
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as
show examples
 the 4
regions
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, which did not reach a double-digit
percentage
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. In conclusion, North
America
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 has
a
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apply
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great
wealth
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 but not with population
share
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,
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
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 Europe is quite the opposite of North
America
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider giving a clearer overview of the main trends and differences shown in the bar chart. This would help set the stage for your comparisons and improve your overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your paragraphs for different points. For example, one paragraph could focus on the regions with higher wealth share while another addresses those with higher population share.
task achievement
Ensure that all population percentages and wealth shares are accurately stated and compared to avoid confusion; some figures appear unclear and need clarification.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to compare the wealth share of different regions, showing a basic understanding of the data presented.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, and you have made an attempt to provide a conclusion summarizing your key points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Personal development
  • Re-offending
  • Transformation
  • Root causes
  • Criminal behavior
  • Rehabilitation
  • Skilled workforce
  • Ethical dilemma
  • Funding prioritization
  • Incarceration
  • Societal benefits
  • Addressing causes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: