IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc.). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?

#people #colleges #universities #experiences #career #preparation
Universities provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
holistic growth for
people
.
People
 opt to join
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
classes in a
university
 for different
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
such
 as new experiences,
career
prepatation
Correct your spelling
preparation
 and increased knowledge. But there are more than those reasons. One of the important
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is to have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 knowledge they need for their future. Different
universiites
Correct your spelling
universities
 have different core values that they imply to their students. In
this
 matter, it will enhance their totality as a person and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 in socialization. The
University
 of San Jose
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is an example
fot
Correct your spelling
of
this
, which has a mission to provide students
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
worldclass
Correct your spelling
world-class
world class
learnings
Fix the agreement mistake
learning
show examples
 and character.
Hence
,
this
 will encourage
people
 to attend
univerisities
Correct your spelling
universities
. Apart from that, many organizations or companies demand
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
.
People
are insisted
Wrong verb form
insist
show examples
to go
Change preposition
on going
show examples
 through
university
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to acquire the knowledge and skills they
are required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 for their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in life. An example of
this
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the nursing schools, they
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
 students with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
theories and practical exams so they will be able to be competent
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their jobs after finishing
university
.
Lastly
,
people
 go to universities
due to
continuation
Correct article usage
the continuation
show examples
 of education. Many graduates are eager to learn more complex ideas about their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. It will
also
 provide them choices of more and payable
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 after
finishingit
Correct your spelling
finishing it
finishing
.
To conclude
,
people
 have different reasons
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 attending universities.
However
, one of the common and main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is how
this
 education can be helpful for their
career
 in the future.
Submitted by dhowardjacob on

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Grammar
Ensure consistency in using plural forms when necessary (e.g., 'different reasons' instead of 'different reason').
Grammar
Work on the spelling accuracy and avoid errors such as 'prepatation' instead of 'preparation' and 'fot' instead of 'for'.
Coherence
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Make sure ideas are better connected and transitions are smooth.
Task Response
Expand and elaborate on your examples to make your points more compelling.
Coherence
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the response effectively.
Task Response
The essay covers various reasons why people attend universities, addressing several perspectives on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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