Nowadays, there is a greater focus at all levels in education on science and business studies rather that the arts. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Indeed, modern education programs have shifted their
focus
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on
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to
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subjects related to
science
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and
business
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. Other disciplines
such
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as the
arts
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are losing the interest of students and universities. In my opinion,
this
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shift
on
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in
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focus
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responds primarily to the market’s demand.
Science
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and
business
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are essential subjects to study in today’s
world
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.
Focus
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on them can lead to economic development as these fields drive innovation, job creation, and progress.
Science
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is a key driver
to
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of
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societal progress. On a personal level, it enhances greater
world
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understanding, cultivates a passion for learning, stimulates creativity, and brings career opportunities. On the global level, emphasis on
science
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can lead to significant advancements and
improving
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improve
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the quality of life.
For example
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, computers make our lives faster and easier. The invention of the computer is the result of the work of many scientists.
Science
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and
business
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always go hand-in-hand as businesses adopt new technology for mass use, how
to
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apply
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advertise an invention
,
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apply
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and find arguments for shoppers to buy a product.
For instance
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, Apple, which is the most famous company in the
world
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, brought to mass audiences the first usable smartphone that was the result of the work of scientists and inventors.
Moreover
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, studying
business
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develops various skills
such
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as public speaking, collaboration and teamwork, and leadership. At the same time, studying the
arts
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is a valuable asset. It fosters skills
such
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like
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as
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critical thinking, emotional development, and a broader understanding of the
world
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. Skills
acquiring
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acquired
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through learning the
arts
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are applicable both in daily life and at work. An art degree is popular among entrepreneurs and CEOs of the most famous companies.
For example
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, Howard Shultz, a former CEO of Starbucks, considers his degree in liberal
arts
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as the foundation of his successful leadership of the company.
Additionally
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, art education is often linked to improved mental health and
wellbeing
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well-being
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, providing an outlet for expression and stress relief. In conclusion,
while
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the demand for skilled professionals in
science
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and
business
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is increasing, leading educational institutions to shift their
focus
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away from the
arts
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, it is crucial to recognize the immense value that
arts
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education provides. Combining knowledge from
science
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,
business
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, and
arts
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can lead to novel solutions and breakthroughs.
Submitted by shebanovsergey938 on

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task response
While the essay covers both the advantages of focusing on science and business studies as well as the importance of art education, it could benefit from more balanced arguments on both sides to show deeper evaluation. Try to provide equally robust support for the value of art education to improve balance.
coherence cohesion
Include clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader through your arguments. This can improve the logical structure and make your points more distinct.
task response
Ensure that each example directly supports the point being made. For instance, expand on how Howard Schultz's liberal arts degree contributed to his business success in specific terms. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task response
The introduction clearly states the topic and your position, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the significance of combining different fields of study.
task response
Good use of specific examples like the Apple's first usable smartphone and Howard Schultz’s liberal arts degree to illustrate points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic development
  • innovation
  • job creation
  • practical skills
  • employable
  • technological advancements
  • quality of life
  • creativity
  • cultural landscape
  • well-rounded society
  • holistic education
  • critical thinking
  • emotional development
  • interdisciplinary
  • novel solutions
  • social inequality
  • mental health
  • wellbeing
  • expression
  • stress relief
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