Nowadays, there is a greater focus at all levels in education on science and business studies rather that the arts. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Indeed, modern education programs have shifted their
focus
on
subjects related to Change preposition
to
science
and business
. Other disciplines such
as the arts
are losing the interest of students and universities. In my opinion, this
shift on
Change preposition
in
focus
responds primarily to the market’s demand.
Science
and business
are essential subjects to study in today’s world
. Focus
on them can lead to economic development as these fields drive innovation, job creation, and progress. Science
is a key driver to
societal progress. On a personal level, it enhances greater Change preposition
of
world
understanding, cultivates a passion for learning, stimulates creativity, and brings career opportunities. On the global level, emphasis on science
can lead to significant advancements and improving
the quality of life. Wrong verb form
improve
For example
, computers make our lives faster and easier. The invention of the computer is the result of the work of many scientists. Science
and business
always go hand-in-hand as businesses adopt new technology for mass use, how to
advertise an inventionFix the infinitive
apply
,
and find arguments for shoppers to buy a product. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, Apple, which is the most famous company in the world
, brought to mass audiences the first usable smartphone that was the result of the work of scientists and inventors. Moreover
, studying business
develops various skills such
as public speaking, collaboration and teamwork, and leadership.
At the same time, studying the arts
is a valuable asset. It fosters skills such
like
critical thinking, emotional development, and a broader understanding of the Change preposition
as
world
. Skills acquiring
through learning the Wrong verb form
acquired
arts
are applicable both in daily life and at work. An art degree is popular among entrepreneurs and CEOs of the most famous companies. For example
, Howard Shultz, a former CEO of Starbucks, considers his degree in liberal arts
as the foundation of his successful leadership of the company. Additionally
, art education is often linked to improved mental health and wellbeing
, providing an outlet for expression and stress relief.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
well-being
while
the demand for skilled professionals in science
and business
is increasing, leading educational institutions to shift their focus
away from the arts
, it is crucial to recognize the immense value that arts
education provides. Combining knowledge from science
, business
, and arts
can lead to novel solutions and breakthroughs.Submitted by shebanovsergey938 on
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task response
While the essay covers both the advantages of focusing on science and business studies as well as the importance of art education, it could benefit from more balanced arguments on both sides to show deeper evaluation. Try to provide equally robust support for the value of art education to improve balance.
coherence cohesion
Include clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader through your arguments. This can improve the logical structure and make your points more distinct.
task response
Ensure that each example directly supports the point being made. For instance, expand on how Howard Schultz's liberal arts degree contributed to his business success in specific terms. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task response
The introduction clearly states the topic and your position, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the significance of combining different fields of study.
task response
Good use of specific examples like the Apple's first usable smartphone and Howard Schultz’s liberal arts degree to illustrate points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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