IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#organisations #employees #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
In the modern world, a strict dress code for office workers is not important in some companies. For some managers, a major criterion is the level of knowledge
,
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 and not the clothes of their employees. In my essay, I would like to discuss both options and make a conclusion based on my thoughts. On the one hand, there are organisations where you have to look elegant, because you are the face of
this
 organisation, and you have to contact different people
while
 presenting the
company
 itself. The image of the
company
 depends on
this
. As an example, we can consider a bank employee.
Such
 a person must have a business style of clothing.
On the other hand
, there are corporations where the employer does not need you to wear a business style of clothing
due to
 the fact that your workspace is located in the office, and you have contact only with colleagues and your boss, which does not care how you look, but what matters is how you work.
For example
, a game designer. Usually, faces of
this
 profession are creative people and they need a comfortable environment for hard work.
Therefore
, the employer takes
this
 into account. Summing up, I can say that the style of clothing of employees is determined by the
company
's policy. If managers believe that the image of the
company
 depends on appearance,
then
 there will be dress code rules in
this
 organisation.
Submitted by samedovateacher on

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully supported with relevant examples or explanations. For instance, when discussing the importance of appearance for bank employees, you could elaborate more on why appearance is crucial in such a setting (e.g., trust, professionalism).
task achievement
Try to develop your second argument in a more detailed way. While your point about creative professions needing comfort is valid, it would benefit from further elaboration on how a relaxed dress code enhances productivity.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate transitional phrases more frequently to improve the flow of ideas. For example, use phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' and 'However,' to create a smoother transition between points.
coherence cohesion
Clarify and expand your conclusion. It should restate your main points and provide a final perspective on the issue. Your current conclusion is brief and doesn’t fully encapsulate your discussion.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and states that both views will be discussed, providing a good roadmap for the essay.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear focus on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument as required by the task.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphs are logically structured, with each one addressing a specific viewpoint. This adds to the clarity of the essay.
task achievement
Your use of examples such as a bank employee and a game designer effectively illustrates the points being made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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