Many people leave the countryside for the greater opportunities which are offered by cities. This move is not without disadvantages for both people and the environment. What are some benefits and drawbacks of urbanization?
Nowadays, folks who live in the rural area tend to leave their villages for better conditions that can be found only in the
cities
, who offers a number of various facilities. As a result
to
Change preposition
of
urbanization
, pollution have
increased in the Change the verb form
has
cities
, while
in the rural areas
Add a comma
areas,
less
and Correct quantifier usage
fewer
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
people
are living there. In this
essay, I will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of urbanization
.
Firstly
, cities
has
a lot much to offer than the Change the verb form
have
countryside
, numerous people
choose to leave for better work opportunities and also
for higher education which can be found only in the bigger cities
. For example
, the community of the city benefits from a larger hand of workers which can help in the growth of the finance department and also
have by their side more educated folks. Therefore
, cities
attract people
from the countryside
for their facilities which can help them evolve not only financialy
but Correct your spelling
financially
also
with gaining knownledge
.
Correct your spelling
knowledge
Secondly
, the mass of people
who abandon the countryside
for cities
lead
to the Change the verb form
leads
raise
of teenancy, Correct your spelling
rise
due to
the fact that the grow
of Replace the word
growth
urbanization
cause finding a place to live harder than before. In addiction
, the proportion of pollution has increased because of Correct your spelling
addition
urbanization
, while
in the countryside
the pollution of the air is less. For example
, folks who choose to study in the bigger cities
, rarely find an
accommodation as the city is full Remove the article
apply
with
immigrants and even if they find one it is really expensive for their budget.
In conclusion, Change preposition
of
urbanization
helps other people
from different areas to evolve as they
Correct pronoun usage
it
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
to
them a Change preposition
apply
plenthora
of opportunities, Correct your spelling
plethora
however
, the departure can have an impact on the mental health of the individual due to
the fact that their
are leaving family and friends behind in order to discover themselves.Correct pronoun usage
they
Submitted by annaungureanu794 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the question by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of urbanization, but it lacks depth and detail in some areas. To achieve a higher score, ensure each point is well-elaborated with clear, relevant supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your ideas follow a logical structure. Some paragraphs introduce multiple points that could be better separated. Organizing each paragraph to discuss one main idea improves clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which is good, but the conclusions you draw are somewhat superficial. Try to provide more insightful takeaways or potential solutions to the issues discussed.
task achievement
Provide a range of specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively. General statements make it harder to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
general
Improve sentence structure and grammar. For instance, "the growth of urbanization cause finding a place to live harder than before" could be corrected to "the growth of urbanization causes finding a place to live to be harder than before." Consistent grammatical accuracy is crucial for higher scores.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay clearly defines the topic and provides an introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified key benefits, such as better work opportunities and higher education, as well as key drawbacks such as tenancy issues and pollution.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...