The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants
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The given bar graph depicts data about the numbers of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
who participated in some evening courses at an adult education centre in 2009
while
Linking Words
the other chart describes the proportion of these course joiners' ages. At first glance, there were four courses, but the
activitity
Correct your spelling
activity
boys entered the most was language. As for ages, the
number
Use synonyms
of
people
Use synonyms
who are under 20
envolved
Correct your spelling
involved
in
these course
Change the determiner
this course
these courses
show examples
recorded at the lowest data. Looking at the bar chart, it is visible that the
figure
Use synonyms
for men in
language
Correct article usage
the language
show examples
course
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
40
people
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which is two times higher than that for female.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Sculpture
withnessed
Correct your spelling
witnessed
a modest
number
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of both male and female participants as their
number
Use synonyms
are 10
people
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and 5
people
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respectively. Interestingly, drama had the two-time higher boy numbers than the other gender.
However
Linking Words
, regarding painting, the difference between the
figure
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for men and that for women has no clear difference, with 40
participators
Replace the word
participants
show examples
for girls and roughly 35 for boys. As for ages, the
number
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of adults who are at or over 50 years old accounted for 42%, being the outnumbered
figure
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when comparing it to others.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 5
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
of under-20-year-old teenagers had the lowest
figure
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.
People
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who are at the age of 30 to 39 and 20 to 29
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
almost similar in joiner numbers.
Finally
Linking Words
, 26% was made up
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
the group of 40-
40-year old
Add a hyphen
40-year-old
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, being the second-largest
figure
Use synonyms
in the given pie chart's data.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, figure with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
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