IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisations
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There are contrasting opinions when it comes to working for the same organisation throughout one's
career
 versus switching between different organisations. Obviously, every group of people are searching for more positive than negative factors in their choice
such
 as levelling up the
career
 ladder for one point of view or expanding their professional experience for another point of view. In my opinion, there are merits to both approaches, but I personally believe that gaining different sorts of working experience is a strong plus for
everybodies
Correct your spelling
everybody
career
. In the following
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I would like to discuss some points connected to
this
 topic. Nowadays it is preferred by many people to work constantly in the same company as it is believed that it provides a certain level of stability. I mean, having a permanent job can guarantee you a sort of social security package,
such
 as
a
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apply
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holiday pay,
a
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sick pay and other possible bonuses.
Moreover
, if you stay in the same place for many years you get used to working with the team you appreciate and in the familiar environment. That can mean less pressure and more loyalty from your boss and colleagues. Despite all the advantages that a permanent job can give you , it appears to me that a modern employee has to change his or her position every five years. Namely, working for different organisations can broaden their professional network, enhance adaptability, and provide the opportunity to learn from various points of view. In
this
 case, the person will have new contacts who can recommend him or her to their employer.
Furthermore
, exploring different work environments can help individuals discover their hidden talents and find opportunities that are
more close
Replace the words
closer
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 to their interests and goals. Taking everything into account, I do claim that both options mentioned above have their own pros and cons.
Thus
, the choice depends on the personality of every worker or on his or her
career
 ambitions. Indeed, I feel that working
on
Change preposition
in
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 multiple job positions during your life can bring you more
various
Correct word choice
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professional experiences
as well as
 provide a space for meeting more people.
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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure by ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. For example, connect the stable job viewpoint more directly to the changing jobs viewpoint.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a particular situation where changing jobs led to career advancement or stability benefits someone in a tangible way.
task achievement
Work on avoiding minor grammatical and phrasing errors. For example, 'everybodies' should be 'everybody's' and 'nowadays it is preferred by many people' could be phrased more naturally, such as 'many people nowadays prefer.'
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents both points of view and states your opinion, providing a good foundation for the essay.
task achievement
The essay concludes with a balanced view, acknowledging the pros and cons of both perspectives while reaffirming your stance.
supported main points
You have clearly outlined several advantages for each stance, such as stability and social security for staying with one employer and broader networks and adaptability for switching jobs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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