IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that govements should spend money for faster public transportation , others think that there are other important priortities . Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #govements #money #transportation #priortities
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The statement about big cities’
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
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 having a negative effect on human’s
both
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apply
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mental and physical health has been around for quite a long time. But there are some controversial aspects which can either prove the point or disapprove
it
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of it
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. Each of the viewpoints will be described next. On the one hand, living in a megapolis provides its citizens with all the goods and needs required. Residents have a huge variety of
any product
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products
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 they can think of, starting with food and ending with electronic appliances.
This
Linking Words
 can not be said about people living in small towns or villages who do not have
the
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apply
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access to
the
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apply
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modern technologies. Villagers either have to travel to a different city to get the things needed or rely only on the ones they have.
This
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 may result in a drug shortage leading to
a
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apply
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severe damage to a human’s health.
On the other hand
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, there are plenty of people who desire to abandon their lives in big cities and move to villages or townships. I am familiar with some former residents of megapolises who usually
explains
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explain
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 that it is difficult to keep up with the times and follow
a
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the
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 routine of a big city.
Moreover
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, citizens struggle to find
a spiritual peace
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spiritual peace
a feeling of spiritual peace
a sense of spiritual peace
a wave of spiritual peace
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 in those places.
That is
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 why they move to smaller cities or villages which do not have
such
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rhythm
Correct article usage
a rhythm
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 of life. After a
while
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 people would become happier with their lives and be closer to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature. Summarizing everything mentioned before, it is quite difficult to decide which life to strive for. It differs from person to person.
That is
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 why anybody who would face
such
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choice
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a choice
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have
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has
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 to think properly.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good for coherence and cohesion. However, there are areas for improvement. For example, you could enhance the logical structure by making your arguments more explicit and ensuring they flow seamlessly from one to another.
task achievement
In terms of task response, while your essay addresses both views and offers an opinion, it lacks in depth in some areas. Including more specific and relevant examples to back up your points would greatly improve your task achievement score. Additionally, ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
You successfully discuss both viewpoints, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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