IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Throughout the past few decades,
science
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 and its related aspects have been developing continuously, producing more benefits for the human race than ever before. I strongly agree that the outcome delivered by each research and development project should ultimately serve the
people
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 in terms of improving their health and finances.
To begin
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 with, nowadays, sophisticated medical equipment has been invented to diagnose more life-threatening diseases like cancers, and treat them successfully.
As a result
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 of that,
people
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 all around the world are having the benefits from them that they never knew before.
For instance
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, a world-leading medical instrument manufacturer has invented a state-of-the-art algorithm that can be plugged into existing treatment devices called a proton accelerator and enhanced its
overall
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 capability in identifying cancers at their early stage.
In addition
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, the effectiveness of drugs for certain diseases has
also
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 been enhanced for the sake of
science
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.
Therefore
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, it is evident that modern
science
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 has contributed its positive inventions to improve our lives.
Secondly
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, the financial situation attached to almost everyone in
this
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 world is being improved
as a result
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 of increased efficiency of production processes and features coming with consuming items.
This
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 trend has been developed by nothing but the contribution of modern
science
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 and technology in manufacturing processes.
For example
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, in the present days, the time to manufacture a motor vehicle is much lower than in the early days.
Moreover
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, because contemporary consumable items are developed with competitive features, opportunities are abundant in the local and international markets. In conclusion, the role of modern
science
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 could have devoted its contribution to boosting the financial condition of
people
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. In conclusion, because of its ultimate role in enhancing the effect of health and finances
that is
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 in turn related to
people
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's lives directly, I believe that
science
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 and its related developments must be used in the aforementioned two areas to improve the lives of
people
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.

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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the task and provides a clear stance on the issue. However, your main points and explanations could be more elaborately developed to achieve higher precision and depth.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. The logical structure is good, but more explicit signposting between ideas would help to enhance readability.
task achievement
Consider refining your examples further to directly link them to the point you are making. While your examples are relevant, they could be integrated more effectively with your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both well-presented and effectively summarize your stance on the topic. This provides a clear frame for your essay.
task achievement
You provide a relevant and clear stance, making it easy for the reader to understand your position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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