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Band 3.5

Holding international games such as olympics is an exciting event. Some people think that it has positive effect, while others argue that it is a waste of money. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#games #olympics #event #people #effect #waste #money
Organizing major sporting events like the Olympics is a fascinating occasion. Some people contend that it has
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect, but others argue that it is
financial
Add an article
a financial
show examples
 waste. I believe that the drawbacks do outweigh the benefits. Conducting international games
such
 as the Olympics has some positive effects . One of them is the economic boost from tourism.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
athletes, coaches, and spectators from around the world will visit the host city
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 will increase local
bussines'
Correct your spelling
business
 revenue.
However
, hosting
such
 events can be prohibitively expensive. Managing those events
requiring
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 investment in facilities, security, and logistics, which may strain a country's budget and could be considered a waste of money if the facilities are underused post-event.
Additionally
, there are often social costs,
such
 as displacement of local communities to make way for new infrastructure, and the opportunity cost of not investing public funds in other essential sectors like healthcare and education. In conclusion, the drawbacks do outweigh the benefits.
Submitted by nursiamdini on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, it would benefit from more explicit linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The author should provide more detailed examples to support their points. For instance, mentioning a specific country that experienced both the economic boost and the financial strain of hosting the Olympics would make the argument more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph is fully developed with explanations and examples to support the main points. This will make the arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
The writer addresses both viewpoints, fulfilling the requirements of the task prompt.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitions between points, creating a logical flow.
task achievement
The language used is clear and comprehensible, making the writer's ideas easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic boost
  • tourism revenue
  • global visibility
  • prestige
  • lasting legacy
  • infrastructure
  • facilities
  • investment
  • security
  • logistics
  • heavily strain
  • underused
  • social costs
  • displacement
  • opportunity cost
  • public funds
  • essential sectors
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