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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

ou should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

ou should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#ou #minutes #bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The graphic illustrates the
birth place
Correct your spelling
birthplace
show examples
 of the
people
 living in
cities
,
towns
, and rural
areas
 in
Australia
 between 1995 and 2010. As is observed, the percentage varied highly depending on the living area. You will find both the number of
people
 born in and outside
Australia
 increasing from 1995 to 2010 only in
cities
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, meanwhile the opposite
shown
Add a missing verb
is shown
show examples
 clearly in
towns
 and rural
areas
. The number of
resident
Change to a plural noun
residents
show examples
 born in and outside of
Australia
 is
noticably
Correct your spelling
noticeably
 different. In 1995, the highest percentage of
people
 born outside
Australia
 could be found in
cities
 and rural
areas
. The opposite went to town
areas
. Fifteen years later, the percentage is remarkably increasing specifically for
non-Australian
Correct your spelling
non-Australians
show examples
 born in the
cities
,
while
 the drastic number
plummetted
Correct your spelling
plummeted
show examples
 for rural
areas
 and
towns
. In conclusion, you may find Australian-born residents harder in
cities
 and rural
areas
 in 1995. In comparison to that, it is easier to find one in
towns
.
Then
 later in 2010, the situation
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shifted a bit to some
areas
. Meanwhile the same still applies in
cities
, you can find
people
 born in
Australia
 easier now in
towns
 and rural
areas
.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, towns, areas, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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