IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
The financial
situation
 in
countries
 can be categorized into developing
countries
 and developed
countries
.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, developing
countries
 will not forever be in the same category as they will always try to grow their
situation
 with the goal of reaching the status of a developed country.
This
 is where developed
countries
 should be providing help to any
neighboring
Change the spelling
neighbouring
show examples
 developing
countries
 in terms of
development
 projects.
Development
 projects are usually initiated by at least two
countries
 to find balance in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
situation
 and just for the sake of peacekeeping and humanity. If we're looking from the side of developing
countries
, we can receive many
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
such
 as financial aid and if we're lucky, we can be shifted into a better country systematically. In comparison to that, there might seem not a lot of benefits can be found from the developed
countries
, but politically
this
 is where they can find mutual cooperation for future relationships. In the harsh truth, even a
development
 project can not actually solve poverty issues that appear mainly in developing
countries
. But let's look at it in another way–which is from the side of humanity. Honestly speaking, poverty issues may not only
rooted
Add a missing verb
be rooted
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
economic
Add an article
the economic
show examples
situation
 of a country
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 how they treat those facing the
situation
. Imagine it
this
 way, even if you're still living in poverty,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what if your living
situation
 has increased
due to
 help from the government? And that's how
development
 projects can be effective.
Instead
 of just giving financial aid, most of them
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 involved
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 how to make the living
situation
 better.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear thesis statement in the introduction to express your viewpoint explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Develop the conclusion to restate your main points and your position clearly.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing various types of aid and their impact.
task achievement
You have some good ideas about development projects and their potential benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
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