IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about hoe families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about hoe families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #hoe #families #country #income #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar chart given illustrates data about families and their weekly
wages
Use synonyms
 and
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 what various goods and services they
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 to spend their money
between
Change preposition
on between
show examples
 1968 and 2018. It can be seen that in 1968, people have
spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 most of their income on food,
while
Linking Words
 in 2018 the proportion of
wages
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on food has decreased over the years.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the housing category showed a significant
risen
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 in 2018.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the proportion of salary
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on household goods remained the same over the period given. The food section was ranked first in the class hitting its peak in 1968 with 35% of
wages
Use synonyms
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on it, over time the proportion has fluctuated over 15% in 2018.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the housing category displayed an upward trend from
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
10% in 1968 to almost 20% in 2018. In 2018, families
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less of their
wages
Use synonyms
 on personal goods hitting almost 5%,
while
Linking Words
 in 1968, families
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less on fuel and power section hitting over 5%.
Submitted by annaungureanu794 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words wages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • disposable income
  • percentage of income
  • weekly income
  • significant change
  • notable decline
  • substantial increase
  • shift in lifestyle preferences
  • cultural attitudes
  • rising costs
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