In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?
In some countries,
children
are encouraged to work
in some kind of places
. Fix the agreement mistake
place
Individuals
regard this
as totally wrong but others think it is valuable work
experience and should be educated and taking responsibility. In this
essay, both views and my opinion will be discussed.
On the one side, individuals
who are oppose
the fact Change the verb form
oppose
children
should work
at the
young age. In Correct article usage
a
this
situation, individuals
believe that adolescent
is the golden time for people to learn, and apprenticeship makes them extremely exhausted and their time would be pressed for learning. Replace the word
adolescence
According to
many states, there are sufficient spaces for students who are joining for work
experience and most of these students are individuals
who are going to study undergraduate programs at university.
But on the other hand
, learning to work
should be priority
and governments need to take responsibility. In our world, everyone studies and works to get an appropriate job and studying is not the only factor Correct article usage
a priority
of
joining large companies. Change preposition
in
However
, governments must include some spaces for children
to get involved in working and get a feeling how it
looks like. Correct pronoun usage
what it
Furthermore
, this
will give an idea of how to manage their money and save, each month they get paid.
In my opinion, education is as important as work
but is useless to gain work
experience at the early stages. Children
have no clue if the apprenticeship they are in is the same field they want to work
at
the future.
In summary, being occupied by some kind of job cannot always guarantee it would be useful but studying Change preposition
in
at
any subject would give an opportunity to broaden those fields. But people who get Change preposition
apply
into
Change preposition
to
work
early have the responsibility of managing their money better than those who work
late.Submitted by amir.lajevardi84 on
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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, you should aim to address the topic more comprehensively by expanding on your points with relevant and specific examples. Discuss both sides more deeply and relate them to real-world contexts.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure a smoother progression of ideas. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly define your position from the beginning and ensure that all parts of your essay support this stance. This will help you maintain a clear and coherent argument throughout your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure in your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument logically.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, and you have made an effort to give your own opinion on the topic, which is a positive aspect.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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