In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?
in some countries , young people can first paycheck , They are likely have not
work
and recieved
Correct your spelling
received
receive
their
salary. and some people Change the word
a
agrue
that wrong , Correct your spelling
argue
agree
while
others cosider
it as vital Correct your spelling
consider
work
experience for leaning
and taking responsibility. Correct your spelling
learning
i
completely agree with Change the capitalization
I
this
statement that children
has started
Wrong verb form
start
work
early there are
more experience and Verb problem
have
learning
understanding of Verb problem
apply
financial
in their future. Replace the word
finances
However
, it may also
negatively effect
their childhood. Correct your spelling
affect
i
will explain in Change the capitalization
I
this
essay.
To begin
with, teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
has worked
with Wrong verb form
have to work
thier
salary, it can help Correct your spelling
their
children
manage their own money . When children
has
Change the verb form
have
Change the article
the
earning
wisely and Change the verb form
to earn
vuluable
for their hard Correct your spelling
valuable
work
.
Research show
who start working earlyCorrect subject-verb agreement
shows
it
tend to make better financial decisions Correct pronoun usage
apply
compare
to those young peopleWrong verb form
compared
Correct pronoun usage
who
had
paid for employment. Unnecessary verb
apply
For example
, in Australia 65% of teengers
are Correct your spelling
teenagers
financialy
independent from their parents . Correct your spelling
financially
Therefore
, when children
as
good discipline organise their Change preposition
with
financial
lead to better careers.
Replace the word
finances
On the other hand
, there is a risk that some children
may become overly absorbed in duties, missing out on the joys of time when they are still kids and meaningful experiences with friends and family. For instance
, in the movie "Hi Lora," the character Lora works from the age of 5 until her death. Due to
her focus on earning money at a young age, her parents failed to see her as a child, resulting in a disrupted childhood.
In conclusion, while
having a paid job as a child can help them develop skills like financial literacy, it can also
rob them of a normal childhood experience by forcing them to mature prematurely. It is recommended to provide almost all teenagers with any kind of position where they can get valuable skills.Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position and previews your main points in an organized manner.
task achievement
Your essay needs more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments. Try to develop each point in a separate paragraph for better clarity.
task achievement
Recheck your spelling and grammar. For instance, 'teenage has worked with thier salary' should be 'teenagers who work for a salary' and 'vuluable' should be 'valuable.'
coherence cohesion
It’s important to use appropriate and varied sentence structures to improve readability. Short sentences and longer complex sentences can work together to create a more engaging flow.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates your ability to understand different viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion neatly summarizes your arguments and offers a recommendation, which is a strong way to end your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.