IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foriegn language at primary school rather than secondary school.Do the advantagers of this overweign the disadvantagers?

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In the modern era,
diversity
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the diversity
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 of
languages
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play
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plays
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 an integral role in the learning of children. Few masses opine that it is ideal for students to start learning overseas
dialect
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dialects
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 at elementary school rather than secondary school.
This
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 essay will analyse
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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 to outweigh
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the adavantages
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adavantages
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advantages
 in the subsequent paragraphs. Certainly, an association of multifarious reasons behind
benefits
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the benefits
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 of
leaning
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learning
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 language at primary school.
However
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, first and foremost is cultural awareness and rapid grasping ability. To explain it more,
amateur
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an amateur
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 brain at
initial
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the initial
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 stages
are
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is
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 much sharper than adults
that
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and
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assist
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assists
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 rapid contemplation of various speeches. It provides
plethora
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a plethora
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 of knowledge about different foreign traditions. It
erect
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erects
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 skills
such
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 as creativity and concentration that augment
bright
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a bright
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 future for children.
A
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In a
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 survey conducted in 2019 around 40%
American
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of American
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 students learn additional dialects,
thus
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make
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making
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 them competent to assimilate in every condition. On the paradoxical side, another factor that
worth
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is worth
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 mentioning is demerits over several merits,
while
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 the prominent is loss of native speech and overburden. To elaborate
it
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on it
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, beginners change their social outlook by indulging
into
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in
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 other
languages
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 that refrain
their
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from their
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 interest in native
one
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ones
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. The cultural identity of a nation
terminated
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is terminated
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 by the influence of other customs.
Further
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, umpteen dialects become
burden
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a burden
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 on minors.
For instance
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,
according to
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2022
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a 2022
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 survey around 60%
Indian
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of Indian
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 people precedence
Hindi
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the Hindi
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 language over
other
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others
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 in order to inculcate local
value
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values
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 and
moral
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morals
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 among kids. In conclusion,
although
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 there are numerous merits of overseas
languages
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 but government should prod students to
selects
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select
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languages
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 at a certain age as per their
carree
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career
 choice.
It
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It is
It was
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dosent
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doesn't
 become
burden
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a burden
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 on them
as
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but
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 well
help
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helps
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 them
to
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apply
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secure a bright future.

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task achievement
Your essay has many good points, but your thesis statement should be clearer. You mention 'disadvantages to outweigh advantages', but your essay mostly discusses advantages.
coherence cohesion
While you’ve provided relevant ideas, ensure that each paragraph sticks to one clear main point to improve coherence. Avoid mixing too many ideas into one paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and spelling. Some errors, like 'foriegn' instead of 'foreign' and 'overweign' instead of 'outweigh', can affect clarity.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for your argument and summarizing your main points effectively.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good effort to address both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your vocabulary is varied and used well to express your ideas, which is a strong point of your essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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