🔶Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. 🔸Do you agree or disagree?
Several consumables are produced rich in
sugar
, which results in health deterioration. It is believed that the price
of such
products
should be higher to discourgae
consumers from using more Correct your spelling
discourage
sugar
. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with that statement, as there is better
method to use, and Add an article
a better
the better
price
increase would only affect the less wealthy group in society.
There are several reasons why I believe making sugary foods and drinks more expensive would not solve the Correct article usage
a price
problems
of overconsumption. First and foremost, higher Fix the agreement mistake
problem
price
would only prevent the poor, Fix the agreement mistake
prices
while
the affluent people still can afford the new tags. As a result
, the rich would still buy such
products
and suffer from the consequences. Moreover
, increasing price
would widen the gap between classes in the community, in which those who are wealthy can enjoy the pleasure offered by high Fix the agreement mistake
prices
level
of Fix the agreement mistake
levels
sugar
, as opposed to those who are from a lower socioeconomic background. That would, in fact, create more issues for society.
Furthermore
, I believe there are numerous solutions to the problems. One of this
would be education. Correct pronoun usage
these
For example
, the government should promote educative campaign
to raise awareness of the negative Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
effect
which overconsuming Fix the agreement mistake
effects
of
Change preposition
apply
sugar
can cause
Verb problem
have
to
Change preposition
on
the
health. Correct article usage
apply
Additionally
, schools should instill in their program more
physical curriculum to encourage active lifestyles among young children, which can help Correct article usage
a more
reducing
the detrimental influence of consuming Wrong verb form
reduce
high calories
Correct your spelling
high-calorie
products
.
In conclusion, I am not in favor
of the idea that increasing Change the spelling
favour
price
of high Correct article usage
the price
suar
Correct your spelling
sugar
products
can prevent customers from using them, as it would not affect those who can afford and
create inequality in society. Correct pronoun usage
them and
Besides
, I think that there would be better measures which can tackle the issue more effectively.Submitted by kimtruong270192 on
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task achievement
While your essay addresses the task and presents a clear position on the topic, certain arguments could be more developed and supported with specific examples. Expanding on the weaknesses of sugar regulation and providing statistical data could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are clearly supported with relevant evidence. This would add depth to your arguments and improve the overall quality of your response. Specific examples or studies related to sugar consumption and its impact could be very helpful.
coherence cohesion
Your essay flows well, but ensure that the transitions between ideas and paragraphs are more seamless. This helps the reader follow your arguments more easily. Consider using more transitional phrases and words to guide your reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
There were a few grammatical errors, such as 'sugar products' should be 'sugary products' and 'overconsuming' should be 'the overconsumption'. These small errors can be distracting and can affect the clarity of your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and concise, effectively setting the stage for your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion efficiently summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance on the topic.
logical structure
You have maintained a logical structure throughout your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a single main point.