Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?
The human population has grown rapidly in the
last
couple of decades, which created a demand for health services
. It resulted in the appearance of private medical facilities charging big money for their services
. Although
this
trend has some drawbacks, pricing being one of them, nevertheless
there are also
benefits, such
as high quality
service and client orientation.
Emerging of Add a hyphen
high-quality
the
private Correct article usage
apply
hospitals
has brought significant negative changes,
since it has become commercial. The owners of these Remove the comma
apply
clinics
are oriented not only to provide healthcare but also
to increase their revenue. Equipment development is implanted with the sheer purpose of charging more money through promoting ineffective procedures, such
as oxygen masks, which clinics
add to the mandatory treatment package. Additionally
, it's not a rare instance when these establishments are not being properly controlled by the government, that
is why there is a risk of being examined or even Correct pronoun usage
which
mis-diagnosed
by non-licensed doctors.
Correct your spelling
misdiagnosed
However
, there are much
more advantages Fix the agreement mistake
many
in
developing private healthcare Change preposition
to
services
. Thus
, non-government hospitals
often set up high-developed modern gadgets, which help in diagnosing or treating their patients more effectively than in state health institutes. Moreover
, private hospitals
are open for patients day and night, so if a person had a sharp pain, they would be examined immediately without standing in long lines. And the
Correct word choice
The
last
but not the
leastCorrect article usage
apply
is that
Verb problem
,
clinics
can provide medical services
for everyone who seek
it despite Change the verb form
seeks
person’s
location. Public Correct article usage
the person’s
hospitals
require a
citizenship of a certain country or even a region, without which a person might not be able to be treated as quickly as Correct article usage
the
it
possible. Correct pronoun usage
apply
While
being in another country, everyone can seek for
Change preposition
apply
a
medical help at any time they want.
Remove the article
apply
Overall
, despite several possible drawbacks of treatment in private clinics
, I believe, that its pros outweigh the cons. The ability of being
examined anywhere by using advanced technologies greatly overrides potential disadvantages, Replace the preposition
to be
such
as overpriced or ineffective procedures.Submitted by staciia_ju on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare. However, ensure each point is expanded with more specific examples and detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help in maintaining a logical flow and better connection between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Supporting main points with more concrete examples and specific details would improve the overall analytical depth of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the response well and giving it a structured presentation.
task achievement
The task is fully addressed, with both advantages and disadvantages discussed sufficiently.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example