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Writing Samples /
Band 3

You have registered for a six month coumputer training program at sambro comunity college. you want to rent room from sambro housing agency . write an email to agency in about 150-200 words. your email should be following things. explain when you need to rent room describe your requirements for the room ask about cost and application process

#six #month #coumputer #program #sambro #comunity #college #rent #room #agency #email #requirements #cost #application #process
Dear sir, My name is Rajnish kaur. Recently, I have enrolled
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
myself in
course
Correct article usage
a course
show examples
 of computer training at your college. I am conveying my aspects through email for looking a renting
room
 in your housing agency.
Although
, my intake will
be start
Change the verb form
start
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from
Change preposition
in
show examples
november
Change the capitalization
November
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 but I need
appartment
Correct your spelling
an apartment
 before
month
Correct article usage
the month
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such
 as in
october
Change the capitalization
October
show examples
 because I am not much
fimilier
Correct your spelling
familiar
 with the surrounding areas. For living , we need so many things and much better to take
a
Correct article usage
the
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 time to settle down over there.
According to
 me, one month ago
planing
Correct your spelling
planning
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 to move is
best
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the best
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 idea for me. My
prefrences
Correct your spelling
preferences
 are very high for renting
room
Correct article usage
a room
show examples
.
Firstly
,it should be neat and clean and it should not be
conjusted
Correct your spelling
confused
conjured
 and I am looking for
private
Add an article
a private
show examples
room
. I will be ready to pay any amount of
room
 but it should be fully furnished.
Besides
 these, could you please inform me about the price of rent and which is the best idea to
tranfer
Correct your spelling
transfer
 money
.
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?
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If it is any
documentray
Correct your spelling
documentary
 formalities please let me know . I will
be wait
Change the verb form
be waiting
show examples
 for your response. With the best regards, Rajnish Kaur
Submitted by rajneshkaur98150 on

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grammar
Please check for minor grammatical errors, such as articles and conjunctions. For example, 'Although, my intake will be start from november but I need appartment before month…' should be revised to 'Although my intake will start in November, I need an apartment a month before, in October…'
coherence
Ensure that your points are clearly separated into paragraphs. This will improve readability. Consider starting a new paragraph for each main point, such as your room requirements and cost inquiries.
task response
Expand on some of your points with additional details. For example, explain why staying in a fully furnished apartment is important for you or provide more details on why you prefer a private room.
task achievement
The email successfully covers the required points: the time needed for renting, room requirements, and inquiries about cost and the application process.
coherence cohesion
It has a clear introduction and a closing line, making it well-structured.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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