IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, all of the important media is always accessable and free due to significant development of data dissemination using the Internet.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, all of the important media is always
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 and free
due to
Linking Words
significant
Correct article usage
the significant
show examples
 development of data dissemination using the Internet.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the topic of the future of printed
books
Use synonyms
 and
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 became the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
. Despite the less relevance of printed media because of
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology, I can say that I
am disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
 with the opinion that it will totally disappear. First and foremost, physical
books
Use synonyms
 are distinguished by their privacy and security. Electronic data can not be safe enough, because everything digital can be lost
due to
Linking Words
forgotten
Correct article usage
a forgotten
show examples
 password or hacked profile.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, printed materials are not at risk of hacking or
cyber attacks
Add a hyphen
cyber-attacks
show examples
. Database hacks and information leaks are serious problems for digital platforms and online resources,
while
Linking Words
 paper cannot be hacked or infected with viruses.
According to
Linking Words
 the statistics, over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
50% of Internet users think that some companies can easily
ise
Correct your spelling
use
 their personal information.
Moreover
Linking Words
, paper
books
Use synonyms
 are definitely less harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 health, especially
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
. It goes without saying that reading on a
screen
Use synonyms
 can cause eye strain
due to
Linking Words
screen
Use synonyms
 glow and pixels. Paper
analogs
Change the spelling
analogues
show examples
 do not have these problems because they do not emit light or have pixels.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
screen
Use synonyms
 devices have
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
screen
Use synonyms
 brightness, which can
also
Linking Words
 put strain on the eyes.
To sum up
Linking Words
, printed
books
Use synonyms
 and newspapers are nowhere near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extinct. Online materials can be more
revelance
Correct your spelling
relevance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but still have
bunch
Add an article
a bunch
show examples
 of disadvantages, that
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not allow them to displace traditional ones.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is most likely that the future will see
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance between electronic and physical information.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly and concisely lays out the main argument of your essay. In your introduction, you mention that you disagree with the opinion that printed media will totally disappear, but it's slightly ambiguous. Make it more explicit.
task achievement
You need to provide more specific examples and detailed evidence to support your arguments. General statements are good, but they should be backed up by concrete data or specific instances where possible.
task achievement
Pay attention to some minor grammatical issues such as 'accessable' should be 'accessible', and 'companies can easily ise' should be 'companies can easily use'. These small errors can distract from your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure a seamless flow from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all your main points are adequately supported. For instance, when discussing security and privacy, include a stronger evidence or statistics to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You effectively compare digital data's security risks with the relative safety of printed materials. This is a strong point highlighting a key advantage of physical books.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow. The inclusion of relevant points in each paragraph is well done.
coherence cohesion
You have a good command of varied vocabulary and a range of sentence structures which enhances readability and keeps the essay engaging.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: