Nowadays, all of the important media is always accessable and free due to significant development of data dissemination using the Internet.
Nowadays, all of the important media is always
accessable
and free Correct your spelling
accessible
due to
significant
development of data dissemination using the Internet. Correct article usage
the significant
Therefore
, the topic of the future of printed books
and newspaper
became the reason Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
of
many Change preposition
for
arguements
. Despite the less relevance of printed media because of Correct your spelling
arguments
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
of
technology, I can say that I Change preposition
in
am disagree
with the opinion that it will totally disappear.
First and foremost, physical Change the verb form
disagree
books
are distinguished by their privacy and security. Electronic data can not be safe enough, because everything digital can be lost due to
forgotten
password or hacked profile. Correct article usage
a forgotten
In contrast
to this
, printed materials are not at risk of hacking or cyber attacks
. Database hacks and information leaks are serious problems for digital platforms and online resources, Add a hyphen
cyber-attacks
while
paper cannot be hacked or infected with viruses. According to
the statistics, over the
50% of Internet users think that some companies can easily Correct article usage
apply
ise
their personal information.
Correct your spelling
use
Moreover
, paper books
are definitely less harmful for
health, especially Change the preposition
to
for
Change preposition
to
eyes
. It goes without saying that reading on a Correct article usage
the eyes
screen
can cause eye strain due to
screen
glow and pixels. Paper analogs
do not have these problems because they do not emit light or have pixels. Change the spelling
analogues
Additionally
, screen
devices have change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
of
Change preposition
in
screen
brightness, which can also
put strain on the eyes.
To sum up
, printed books
and newspapers are nowhere near to
extinct. Online materials can be more Change preposition
apply
revelance
Correct your spelling
relevance
,
but still have Remove the comma
apply
bunch
of disadvantages, that Add an article
a bunch
does
not allow them to displace traditional ones. Correct subject-verb agreement
do
Nevertheless
, it is most likely that the future will see the
balance between electronic and physical information.Correct article usage
a
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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly and concisely lays out the main argument of your essay. In your introduction, you mention that you disagree with the opinion that printed media will totally disappear, but it's slightly ambiguous. Make it more explicit.
task achievement
You need to provide more specific examples and detailed evidence to support your arguments. General statements are good, but they should be backed up by concrete data or specific instances where possible.
task achievement
Pay attention to some minor grammatical issues such as 'accessable' should be 'accessible', and 'companies can easily ise' should be 'companies can easily use'. These small errors can distract from your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure a seamless flow from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all your main points are adequately supported. For instance, when discussing security and privacy, include a stronger evidence or statistics to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You effectively compare digital data's security risks with the relative safety of printed materials. This is a strong point highlighting a key advantage of physical books.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow. The inclusion of relevant points in each paragraph is well done.
coherence cohesion
You have a good command of varied vocabulary and a range of sentence structures which enhances readability and keeps the essay engaging.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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