University is the best way to guarantee a well-paid job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There is a view that if
students
graduate universities
they will probably be hired Change preposition
from universities
more
paid Change preposition
for more
jobs
. I whole-heartedly agree with this
view because universities
can teach students
with a
Correct the article-noun agreement
job-related studies
a job-related study
job
-related studies as well
as
Correct word choice
and
students
are enabled to make
Verb problem
apply
practices
in real Correct subject-verb agreement
practice
job
situations.
First of all, At universities
Add a comma
universities,
students
can be taught materials which come in handy in their future careers. Most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
universities
always focus on teaching books and journals which are useful while
students
are being hired for the jobs
. Besides
this
, there are well-educated and more experienced teachers
who are good at giving instructions to the students
how
they can find well-paid Change preposition
on how
jobs
. One pertinent example is that USA
university postgraduates will have been selected for well-paid Correct your spelling
US
jobs
by managers since USA
Correct your spelling
US
universities
are full of master teachers
. Even,teachers
can teach valuable materials to their students
due to
their real work experiences so students
can be capable of finding jobs
by making use of their teachers
' more valued
instructions.
Second of all, experience is a key Replace the word
valuable
of
finding a good Change preposition
to
job
and higher salary. Nowadays, there are such
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
universities
which enable students
to make
Verb problem
apply
practices
in offices even Correct subject-verb agreement
practice
through
they are just Correct word choice
though
students
. Students
can go Change preposition
to adviced
adviced
workplaces and watch Correct your spelling
advised
advanced
job
situations, even they can work
there maximum Rephrase
even work
two
months once a year. During their university period, they have a chance to collect more experience and necessary data. As they are more experienced, Change preposition
of two
by contrast
to other candidates, there will be more potential to be opted also
given more
wages Correct word choice
higher
to
Change preposition
apply
them
.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
To sum up
, I hold the view that universities
can not only instruct easier ways to acquire needed knowledge for the higher paid job
, but they can also
give opportunities for the students
to work in workplaces in order to get experience which is a key of
Change preposition
to
successful
and more paid Add an article
a successful
job
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
Organize your thoughts in a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should have one main idea that's discussed thoroughly before moving to the next. This helps in maintaining coherence and ensures the reader can follow your argument easily.
task achievement
Although the response addresses the task, it could benefit from a clearer organization and presenting more concrete examples. Be explicit in how the examples directly support your argument.
coherence cohesion
While you do introduce and conclude your topic effectively, aim to make your introduction more specific to immediately capture the reader's interest. Also, make your conclusion more impactful by summarizing the main points discussed in more detail.
task achievement
Your essay consistently sticks to answering the task, showing a strong focus throughout. Well done!
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support your points, particularly when referencing university practices in the USA.
task achievement
You provide clear ideas and make relevant arguments that are on topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example