Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at the school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In the era of globalization, many educationalists would want to have more international
exchange
visits
for their students
because these programs can be useful for them in many ways. I strongly believe that this
idea has more advantages than disadvantages.
Firstly
, I would say human beings have an inborn tendency to try new things, thereby people want to explore different places to get to know other cultures than their traditional ones. Teenagers are at the age when they have tremendous curiosity about the world, so if we give them chances to have
Wrong verb form
visit
visits
to
other Change preposition
apply
countries
' schools, it would benefit them in terms of education. The first reason is that they can make international friends, and then
they will exchange
their knowledge, connecting to other knowledge networks so they can bring them to their own countries
to enhance their country's educational systems. In addition
, they can be exposed to other cultures and languages, so they can understand more about the world's diversity, feel proud of their countries
, nurture their patriotism, and tend to bring their traditional cultural heritages to international friends, enhancing their country's reputation.
However
, this
trend could have some disadvantages on the students
' side. The first one is that this
can be a financial burden for them because international visits
require a significant amount of money for traveling
and accommodations. Meanwhile, teenagers usually do not have enough money to afford those things, and not all parents can either. In that case, governments should focus more on education, raising Change the spelling
travelling
a
Correct article usage
apply
fund
to encourage schools to have more Fix the agreement mistake
funds
exchange
visits
to other countries
for their students
.
To conclude
, international exchange
visits
would be very good chances for young people to be exposed to different people, learning
about their culture and knowledge, and Wrong verb form
learn
bringing
it back to their school, thereby indirectly enhancing their country's education systems. Wrong verb form
bring
However
, governments have to help schools to encourage them to invest in their students
, the
future generations of their Correct word choice
and the
countries
.Submitted by phuongnga24042003 on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the task, it would benefit from deeper analysis and more specific examples to illustrate the points made. Consider adding real-life examples or case studies of international exchange programs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and the arguments follow a clear sequence. However, the second paragraph could be more concise, and the ideas could be organized more effectively. Break down complex sentences to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help in maintaining the flow of ideas and make the essay more cohesive.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the context for the essay and presents a clear stance on the topic. This is a strong start.
task achievement
The essay has a good balance between advantages and disadvantages, showing an understanding of both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the author's stance, which provides a strong ending to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
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- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.