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The picture illustrates the data about the amount of tourists, who visited to exhibitions between summer and winter in 2003.

#picture #data #amount #tourists #exhibitions #summer #winter
The picture illustrates the data about the amount of tourists, who visited
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
exhibitions between summer and winter in 2003.
Overall
, we can see
this
 number peaked at the top in summer, which was the highest, rather than the amount of visitors in winter.
As well as
 can be seen from the graph, the number of tourists in winter started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 0,
consequently
, which had their guests increased by 200 persons throughout 9 hours.
Therefore
, particularly
this
 dramatically grew up about almost 6 times higher rather than the previous.
Besides
, between 10 and 11 o’clock,
this
 rate seemed to steadily increase, about 200 individuals.
However
,
in addition
 to these increases,
this
 amount decreased by a huge margin.
Thus
, there
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 few guests who participated between 13 and 15 hours, particularly
this
 rate gradually decreased until 17 o’clock.
Additionally
,
on the contrary
, started at the same proportion compared to the previous, the fluctuation of tourists in summer
also
 dramatically enhanced.
Therefore
,
this
 has been claimed as the similar rate of the remaining after 9 hours.
However
,
this
 fluctuation only could grow
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 3 times higher,
consequently
,
which reduced
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 a tiny margin.
Furthermore
,
this
 proportion remained as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar fluctuation until lunch, which peaked at the highest point.
Finally
,
this
 gradually reduced and remained unchanged at the final, until the end of the day.
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coherence cohesion
Improve your logical structure. Ensure each paragraph follows a clear progression of thought to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your use of linking words to provide better flow and connection between sentences and ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data points from the illustration to back up your analysis.
task achievement
Focus on making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. Each point should be fully explained and adequately supported.
task response
You have a strong foundation and the essay addresses the task directly.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear attempt to structure the introduction and overall summary.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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