The picture illustrates the data about the amount of tourists, who visited to exhibitions between summer and winter in 2003.

#picture #data #amount #tourists #exhibitions #summer #winter

The picture illustrates the data about the amount of tourists, who visited

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exhibitions between summer and winter in 2003.

Overall

, we can see

this

number peaked at the top in summer, which was the highest, rather than the amount of visitors in winter.

As well as

can be seen from the graph, the number of tourists in winter started

with

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consequently

, which had their guests increased by 200 persons throughout 9 hours.

Therefore

, particularly

this

dramatically grew up about almost 6 times higher rather than the previous.

Besides

, between 10 and 11 o’clock,

this

rate seemed to steadily increase, about 200 individuals.

However

in addition

to these increases,

this

amount decreased by a huge margin.

Thus

, there

are

Wrong verb form

were

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few guests who participated between 13 and 15 hours, particularly

this

rate gradually decreased until 17 o’clock.

Additionally

on the contrary

, started at the same proportion compared to the previous, the fluctuation of tourists in summer

also

dramatically enhanced.

Therefore

this

has been claimed as the similar rate of the remaining after 9 hours.

However

this

fluctuation only could grow

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apply

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approximately 3 times higher,

consequently

which reduced

Wrong verb form

reducing

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a tiny margin.

Furthermore

this

proportion remained as

the

Correct article usage

show examples

similar fluctuation until lunch, which peaked at the highest point.

Finally

this

gradually reduced and remained unchanged at the final, until the end of the day.

Submitted by document.hanie on Wed Jul 31 2024

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coherence cohesion

Improve your logical structure. Ensure each paragraph follows a clear progression of thought to enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

Enhance your use of linking words to provide better flow and connection between sentences and ideas.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples or data points from the illustration to back up your analysis.

task achievement

Focus on making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. Each point should be fully explained and adequately supported.

task response

You have a strong foundation and the essay addresses the task directly.

coherence cohesion

The essay contains a clear attempt to structure the introduction and overall summary.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

223 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The picture illustrates the data about the amount of tourists, who visited to exhibitions between summer and winter in 2003.

Fully explain your ideas

Write a 250-word essay for the topic: Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Computers are being used more and more in education and so there will soon be no role for the teacher in education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?