In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?
In
this
globalization era, child labour become ubiquitous in some countries, espesially
in development countries. Correct your spelling
especially
While
proponent
argue that working is positive for their Fix the agreement mistake
proponents
experienced
, others contend full time is totally inappropriate. I personally wholeheartedly agree Change the form of the verb
experience
to
the latter, but I will discuss either Change preposition
with
view points
and elaborate my Correct your spelling
viewpoint
thought
on the matter.
On the Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
first
hand, the proponents reckon that occupation for children will aid them to gain knowledge in professional Correct word choice
other
work
rather than teoritical
lesson at school. For Correct your spelling
theoretical
this
reasons
, they will Fix the agreement mistake
reason
ready
to Add a missing verb
be ready
work
and understand the implementation of class
learning module. Add an article
the class
However
, I personally consider that this
scheme will only run properly in
Change preposition
at
university
level and only Correct article usage
the university
limited
to Add a missing verb
be limited
Correct article usage
the internsip
internsip
level, since they Correct your spelling
internship
internships
was
already Change the verb form
were
equiped
with teoritical professional Correct your spelling
equipped
skill
. Fix the agreement mistake
skills
In contrast
, for student
, Fix the agreement mistake
students
elementary
to senior high school, it is not Change preposition
in elementary
neccessarily
imperative for them since Correct your spelling
necessarily
they
current Correct pronoun usage
their
goals
Fix the agreement mistake
goal
was
to join college.
Wrong verb form
is
Furthermore
, allowing youngsters to work
can lead into
Change preposition
to
many
worse Change the quantifier
much
problem
, including exploitation, safety Fix the agreement mistake
problems
issue
, and study Fix the agreement mistake
issues
distraction
for them. Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
Beside
stealing their childhood era, Correct your spelling
Besides
hardworks
at Correct your spelling
hard work
hard works
office
or factory will make juveniles exhausted and distract their focus in school. Simultaneously, stress at Correct article usage
an office
work
would provide
Verb problem
have
detrimental
effect on their growth phase. Since kids are not mature yet and Add an article
a detrimental
have
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
experience, they Change preposition
apply
also
pose a risk regarding dangerous
and safety Replace the word
danger
issue
, Fix the agreement mistake
issues
specificly
if they Correct your spelling
specifically
working
in Wrong verb form
work
physical
Add an article
a physical
job
or manufacturing Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
processes
.
Fix the agreement mistake
process
To sum up
, I firmly believed
that working for Wrong verb form
believe
child
, beyond internship Add an article
the child
in
the university level, should be entirely prohibited considering their growth era and Change preposition
at
a
risk attributed to that. Correct article usage
the
Government
, especially in Fix the agreement mistake
Governments
third world
countries, should Add a hyphen
third-world
be stand
Change the verb form
stand
againts
child labour and create Correct your spelling
against
a
robust regulation.Correct article usage
apply
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language
Try to work on the grammatical accuracy and spelling in your essay. Some frequent mistakes such as 'globalization era,' 'espesially,' 'proponent,' 'teoritical,' 'internsip,' 'equiped,' 'neccessarily,' 'current goals was,' 'detrimental effect,' 'risk regarding dangerous and safety issue,' and 'third world countries' should be corrected to 'globalization era,' 'especially,' 'proponents,' 'theoretical,' 'internship,' 'equipped,' 'necessarily,' 'current goals were,' 'detrimental effects,' 'risk regarding danger and safety issues,' and 'developing countries' respectively.
content
Expand on specific examples or references to relevant studies or statistics. Your essay would be stronger if it included more concrete examples to support your points, rather than making broad generalized statements.
coherence
You present both sides of the argument well in the introduction and provide a logical structure that guides the reader through your reasoning.
task response
Your conclusion effectively sums up your arguments and reinforces your viewpoint.