In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?
There are various nations where teenagers are involved in a couple of various activities which are payable. Some individuals opine that it is not worthwhile for children
whereas
others believe that it is beneficial for kids because they can grasp knowledge as well as
they will be responsible. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter notion. This
essay will involve both viewpoints along with
my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, commentators who
support that learners should focus on life goals Correct pronoun usage
apply
instead
of starting earning at an early age. To elaborate this
, when students start working in their free time, their interest will automatically develop towards earning money. Because of that some of them quit education. Change preposition
on this
Moreover
, the government of some States banned child labour to overcome the literacy rate as well as
elementary education is also
free of charge. For instance
, the authorities of Canada facilitate youngster's schooling till they complete their secondary courses. Thus
, educators and their parents have less burden and live freely.
Moving forward to another viewpoint, according to
conflictors
young generation should indulge in other chores so that they can earn Correct your spelling
conflicts
as well as
learn from them. To explain it, whatever a scholars
can obtain attitudes and awareness from a workplace, they can never get it from any books and institutes. They come to know that money is precious and only be spent on necessary items. Correct the article-noun agreement
scholars
a scholar
Besides
, children come
from Correct pronoun usage
who come
the
poor to Correct article usage
apply
medium class
families assist their parents financially by earning incomes. Add a hyphen
medium-class
For example
, the orders of Canada allow children who completed 12 years of age will be able to work voluntarily or for wages. Therefore
, toddlers can sustain gurdians
economically.
Correct your spelling
guardians
To conclude
, although
employment under age is a crime and prohibited in some provinces it can be beneficial a
certain point of view that they can not only earn a salary but Change preposition
from a
also
improve their social behaviours.Submitted by harpreet291kaur on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both views and presenting your opinion. However, try to develop your arguments more comprehensively and provide more relevant examples or evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported by relevant details and examples. Additionally, avoid minor inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that can interrupt the flow of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
You have successfully presented an introduction that outlines both viewpoints and clearly states your opinion.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay includes a conclusion that succinctly summarizes the main points discussed, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your stance.
supported main points
Your main points are supported with examples, which help to illustrate your arguments.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!