IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #places #squares #parks
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With the increasing population in many countries, towns and cities are filled with loads of
people
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 who like to go outdoors to many public areas. From my perspective, I agree that all towns and cities should have large public outdoor
places
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 for the local
populatoion
Correct your spelling
population
 to
visit
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. There are many underdeveloped cities and towns which do not have the resources to build
such
Linking Words
 public outdoor
places
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 for the general population to
visit
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.
This
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 leads to the locals
stuck
Add a missing verb
being stuck
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 in their homes almost the entire day with no place to
visit
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 in their town or city except the grocery shops or the hospitals.
This
Linking Words
 causes fatigue among many and could
also
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 lead to a concerning increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 obesity
due to
Linking Words
 lack of exercise as they are mainly isolated in their own homes. Lack of exposure to sunlight lowers their vitamin D causing headaches, dizziness etc.
However
Linking Words
, there are many developed countries which provide many
such
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 outdoor public
places
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 for
people
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 to
visit
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 and spend time with their close loved ones.
This
Linking Words
 ensures that
people
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 have loads of options to pay a
visit
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 to these outdoor
places
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 and
arent
Correct your spelling
aren't
show examples
 stuck in their homes.
This
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also
Linking Words
 leads to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
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 in fatigue and lack of health problems, causing the locals to be exposed to the right amount of sunlight and fresh air they need. Parks are
also
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 used by many elders who go on early morning walks which
strenghtens
Correct your spelling
strengthens
strengthen
 their muscles and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 blood flow.
Therefore
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, having large outdoor areas accessible to the local
people
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 and tourists is recommended as it avoids certain health issues and maintains the mental well-being of the
people
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.
Submitted by preethiwilliams75 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good overall structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical flow between paragraphs could be improved by using more cohesive devices. For instance, words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', or 'in addition' could help in connecting your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
While you have addressed the topic effectively and presented a reasonable argument, your points could be more comprehensively developed with specific examples. Try to elaborate more on how these public places positively impact the community, perhaps by citing some studies or specific cities as examples.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but could benefit from more detailed explanations. For instance, you mentioned developed and underdeveloped countries; giving concrete examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well and makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
The main points in your body paragraphs are relevant to the essay prompt, addressing both sides of the argument about the importance of public outdoor spaces.
coherence cohesion
The essay concluded with a strong statement, summarizing the importance of having outdoor areas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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