It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
With the increasing population in many countries, towns and cities are filled with loads of
people
who like to go outdoors to many public areas. From my perspective, I agree that all towns and cities should have large public outdoor places
for the local populatoion
to Correct your spelling
population
visit
.
There are many underdeveloped cities and towns which do not have the resources to build such
public outdoor places
for the general population to visit
. This
leads to the locals stuck
in their homes almost the entire day with no place to Add a missing verb
being stuck
visit
in their town or city except the grocery shops or the hospitals. This
causes fatigue among many and could also
lead to a concerning increase of
obesity Change preposition
in
due to
lack of exercise as they are mainly isolated in their own homes. Lack of exposure to sunlight lowers their vitamin D causing headaches, dizziness etc.
However
, there are many developed countries which provide many such
outdoor public places
for people
to visit
and spend time with their close loved ones. This
ensures that people
have loads of options to pay a visit
to these outdoor places
and arent
stuck in their homes. Correct your spelling
aren't
This
also
leads to decrease
in fatigue and lack of health problems, causing the locals to be exposed to the right amount of sunlight and fresh air they need. Parks are Correct article usage
a decrease
also
used by many elders who go on early morning walks which strenghtens
their muscles and Correct your spelling
strengthens
strengthen
increase
blood flow.
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
Therefore
, having large outdoor areas accessible to the local people
and tourists is recommended as it avoids certain health issues and maintains the mental well-being of the people
.Submitted by preethiwilliams75 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good overall structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical flow between paragraphs could be improved by using more cohesive devices. For instance, words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', or 'in addition' could help in connecting your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
While you have addressed the topic effectively and presented a reasonable argument, your points could be more comprehensively developed with specific examples. Try to elaborate more on how these public places positively impact the community, perhaps by citing some studies or specific cities as examples.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but could benefit from more detailed explanations. For instance, you mentioned developed and underdeveloped countries; giving concrete examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well and makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
The main points in your body paragraphs are relevant to the essay prompt, addressing both sides of the argument about the importance of public outdoor spaces.
coherence cohesion
The essay concluded with a strong statement, summarizing the importance of having outdoor areas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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