The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last 10 years. Discuss the cause and effects of this disturbing trend
Nowadays, obesity in
western
nations has Capitalize word
Western
been
increased Unnecessary verb
apply
by
teenagers more than 20% in the Change preposition
among by
last
decade. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall elaborate on the reasons and discuss what the side effects are.
Firstly
, it is obvious that fast foods
,
and Remove the comma
apply
high calorie
dishes are the most important reason why Add a hyphen
high-calorie
people
are fatter than before. In other words
, the younger generations have changed their lifestyle in terms of more comfortable recipes due to
preparation. Secondly
, youngsters have less
movements compared to before. Change the quantifier
fewer
Thus
, it
would gain Correct pronoun usage
they
their
weight, and it would not be helpful to their health. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, in the USA, some people
tend to eat more junk foods
, as it is more convenient for cooking due to
time management.
On the other hand
, if we usually use processed foods
, they will hurt our physical fitness. In other words
, it will not be helpful to our body
, and it can cause Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
of
diseases, Change preposition
apply
such
as cancer, and high blood pressure. Moreover
, it will threaten general hygiene, as it has enough potential to decrease well-being in terms of higher rates of heart attacks. So, it would be a great idea if we monitored food industries by some restrictive actions,
since they have added Remove the comma
apply
a huge amounts
of artificial Correct the article-noun agreement
a huge amount
huge amounts
sweetener
to their products. Fix the agreement mistake
sweeteners
For instance
, in India, some corps industries prefer to add natural additives to their manufacturing in terms of controlling blood pressure,
and supporting the government for a better approach Remove the comma
apply
due to
constructive hygiene management.
In conclusion, it is clear that
fast foods
,
and fizzy drinks are the most important reason why Remove the comma
apply
people
are fatter than before. Also
, their recipe is another cause that persuades the
Correct article usage
apply
people
to eat them, as it is easier to make them. Moreover
, it will increase the number of individuals who have been infected by high blood pressure and heart attack
.Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to another. Using more linking words and phrases can help improve the logical structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
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logical structure
You have provided a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
supported main points
The main points are supported and explained well, although they could be backed up by more specific examples.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...
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