Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on a social relationship. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Based on some people’s notion, modern
communication
technologies, affect social interactions negatively. I heartfully disagree with this
idea; However
I believe that through new technological innovations, individuals, around the world, can interact with each other easily. Add a comma
However,
Also
, training and education get
more accessible for Verb problem
are
whom
are deprived Correct pronoun usage
those who
from
Change the preposition
of
.
To commence with, one of the Correct pronoun usage
them.
methods
that technology helps to human for having a better life,
is through making an accessible way for people to interact with each other easily. Nowadays, Remove the comma
apply
due to
education or job chances, children are far from their families. In this
state, technology could serve a
great opportunity to fight Change preposition
as a
with
homesickness. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, new communication
applications, like Skype or Google Meet, provide a great chance for families to interact face to face
with their children who are abroad.
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
On the other hand
, after COVID
pandemic, thanks to Correct article usage
the COVID
communication
applications, education confronted
with a drastic revolution; Specifically, in Add a missing verb
was confronted
classes
Change the noun form
class
methods
. Trainees used to be present in classes to achieve a degree; however
, now, there are facilities for pupils to obtain knowledge through online courses or classes. This
condition,
provides a great chance to people, who are deprived Remove the comma
apply
from
new knowledge achievements, to concurrence their information with the leading world. Change the preposition
of
For example
, in Iran, by
the help of Skype, scientists can be present in online courses which Change preposition
with
help
them to update their knowledge.
In a nutshell, some individuals believe that modern Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
interacting
Replace the word
interaction
methods
are harmful. However
, it must be accepted that the presence of these methods
in human life, through providing an accessible way to communication
and Replace the word
communicate
making
Wrong verb form
make
connection
with the world for Fix the agreement mistake
connections
whom
are Correct pronoun usage
those who
withhold
from new scientific achievements, can be useful.Wrong verb form
withheld
Submitted by aksoysana on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The task response is generally good, with a clear position stated and relevant examples provided. However, there are some areas where ideas can be elaborated further for more depth. For example, you can discuss how technology might create superficial relationships, contrasting it with the benefits you mentioned.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some coherence issues due to awkward phrasing or slightly disjointed sentences. A more seamless flow between sentences and ideas would help. For instance, transitions between points within paragraphs can be smoother.
task achievement
You've successfully included relevant specific examples to support your main points, such as Skype and Google Meet for family interaction and online education during the COVID pandemic.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing your argument well.