Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on a social relationship. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Based on some people’s notion, modern
communication
technologies, affect social interactions negatively. I heartfully disagree with
this
idea;
However
Add a comma
However,
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I believe that through new technological innovations, individuals, around the world, can interact with each other easily.
Also
, training and education
get
Verb problem
are
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more accessible for
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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are deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
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.
Correct pronoun usage
them.
show examples
To commence with, one of the
methods
that technology helps to human for having a better life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is through making an accessible way for people to interact with each other easily. Nowadays,
due to
education or job chances, children are far from their families. In
this
state, technology could serve
a
Change preposition
as a
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great opportunity to fight
with
Change preposition
apply
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homesickness.
For instance
, new
communication
applications, like Skype or Google Meet, provide a great chance for families to interact
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
with their children who are abroad.
On the other hand
, after
COVID
Correct article usage
the COVID
show examples
pandemic, thanks to
communication
applications, education
confronted
Add a missing verb
was confronted
show examples
with a drastic revolution; Specifically, in
classes
Change the noun form
class
show examples
methods
. Trainees used to be present in classes to achieve a degree;
however
, now, there are facilities for pupils to obtain knowledge through online courses or classes.
This
condition
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
provides a great chance to people, who are deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
new knowledge achievements, to concurrence their information with the leading world.
For example
, in Iran,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
the help of Skype, scientists can be present in online courses which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
them to update their knowledge. In a nutshell, some individuals believe that modern
interacting
Replace the word
interaction
show examples
methods
are harmful.
However
, it must be accepted that the presence of these
methods
in human life, through providing an accessible way to
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
and
making
Wrong verb form
make
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connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
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with the world for
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
are
withhold
Wrong verb form
withheld
show examples
from new scientific achievements, can be useful.
Submitted by aksoysana on

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task achievement
The task response is generally good, with a clear position stated and relevant examples provided. However, there are some areas where ideas can be elaborated further for more depth. For example, you can discuss how technology might create superficial relationships, contrasting it with the benefits you mentioned.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some coherence issues due to awkward phrasing or slightly disjointed sentences. A more seamless flow between sentences and ideas would help. For instance, transitions between points within paragraphs can be smoother.
task achievement
You've successfully included relevant specific examples to support your main points, such as Skype and Google Meet for family interaction and online education during the COVID pandemic.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing your argument well.

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