In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for the government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In modern society,
people
are having numerous health issues and various
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
factors are responsible for that but imposing
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
tax
on fast
food
will not fetch any good outcome. I do not agree with the statement of imposing
tax
Add an article
a tax
show examples
on fast
food
.
Firstly
, fast
food
brings
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of diseases with it, namely Obesity, Heart
Problem
Fix the agreement mistake
Problems
show examples
, and
Blood
Correct word choice
high Blood
show examples
Pressure.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should not impose any
tarif
Correct your spelling
tariff
on
food
fast
instead
people
should have awareness of
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
whcih
Correct your spelling
which
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
along with
it.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should encourage
people
to consume a balanced diet which is very important for
Correct article usage
a healty
show examples
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
life.
Secondly
, in school, children should be taught
of having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
a good meal at home rather
going
Correct word choice
than going
show examples
out and
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
fast
food
. These children when they are aware of
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
of consuming fast
food
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will avoid it but imposing a
tax
is not a great way
deal
Fix the infinitive
to deal
show examples
with the problem.
People
should have free
excess
Correct your spelling
access
show examples
to
food
regardless of the choices.
However
, there are some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
of fast
food
as well. Fast
food
is quick to make, working
people
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
not have much time to cook so it is an easier option for them, some individuals have
hectic
Add an article
a hectic
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
them extremely tired and
hence
they turn themselves to fast
food
. In conclusion,
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
on
food
is not a proper way to deal
with
Correct pronoun usage
with it
show examples
,
people
should have free will and they can decide what they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
for
themsleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
Governemnt
Correct your spelling
Government
can
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
alternatives to fast
food
so
people
can buy and eat.
Submitted by ali695313 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve your task response, try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help in making your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps establish the overall structure and ensures that the response is well-framed.
task achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear and you have addressed the question comprehensively, presenting both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overconsumption
  • Chronic diseases
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Sin tax
  • Subsidize
  • Affordability
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Paternalism
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Industry lobbying
  • Public health initiatives
  • Consumer behavior
  • Regulatory measures
  • Health-conscious
  • Processed foods
  • Fiscal policy
  • Preventative healthcare
  • Behavioral economics
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!