In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for the government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In modern society,
people
are having numerous health issues and various are
factors are responsible for that but imposing Unnecessary verb
apply
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
tax
on fast food
will not fetch any good outcome. I do not agree with the statement of imposing tax
on fast Add an article
a tax
food
.
Firstly
, fast food
brings number
of diseases with it, namely Obesity, Heart Change the article
a number
the number
Problem
, and Fix the agreement mistake
Problems
Blood
Pressure.
Correct word choice
high Blood
Government
should not impose any Correct article usage
The government
tarif
on Correct your spelling
tariff
food
fast instead
people
should have awareness of disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
whcih
Correct your spelling
which
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
along with
it. Government
should encourage Correct article usage
The government
people
to consume a balanced diet which is very important for Correct article usage
a healty
healty
life.
Correct your spelling
healthy
Secondly
, in school, children should be taught of having
a good meal at home rather Change preposition
to have
going
out and Correct word choice
than going
eat
fast Wrong verb form
eating
food
. These children when they are aware of consequences
of consuming fast Correct article usage
the consequences
food
, they
will avoid it but imposing a Correct pronoun usage
apply
tax
is not a great way deal
with the problem. Fix the infinitive
to deal
People
should have free excess
to Correct your spelling
access
food
regardless of the choices.
However
, there are some benefit
of fast Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
food
as well. Fast food
is quick to make, working people
does
not have much time to cook so it is an easier option for them, some individuals have Change the verb form
do
hectic
Add an article
a hectic
job
which Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
make
them extremely tired and Change the verb form
makes
hence
they turn themselves to fast food
.
In conclusion, tax
on Correct article usage
a tax
food
is not a proper way to deal with
, Correct pronoun usage
with it
people
should have free will and they can decide what they wanted
for Wrong verb form
want
themsleves
. Correct your spelling
themselves
Governemnt
can Correct your spelling
Government
provides
alternatives to fast Change the verb form
provide
food
so people
can buy and eat.Submitted by ali695313 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To improve your task response, try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help in making your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps establish the overall structure and ensures that the response is well-framed.
task achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear and you have addressed the question comprehensively, presenting both sides of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.