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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advanages and disadvantages of gibing children this message?

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There is no denying that with the rapid development of social norms, educational standards and approaches have become significantly diverse. As
such
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, the
signigicance
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significance
 of education
on
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in
show examples
 the sense of hard
working
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work
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have
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has
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 been increasingly recognized.
While
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 some people look upon asking
children
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 to make efforts
Fix the infinitive
to contributes
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contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
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 to their ultimate
high-achievement
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high achievement
show examples
, others advocate that
children
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 should not be placed
excessive
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under excessive
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 strain. Despite pushing
children
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by
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with
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 strict inquiries driving a potential
in
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for
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 better personal
outcome
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outcomes
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, it
cause
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causes
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 negatives
in
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at
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 the same time.
To begin
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 with, there are myriad factors contributing to the belief that rigorous training and requirements
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to a positive advancement in
children
Use synonyms
's achievement. First of all,
while
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 providing
encourages
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encouragement
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 to the students that they can achieve their dreams as long as they make
Correct article usage
an efforts
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efforts
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effort
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, it
strive
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strives
show examples
 them to excel driven by the pursuit. To be more specific, people promote by the progress that they engaged in specific activities, regardless
the
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of the
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 final outcome.
For instance
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,
children
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 who told to receive a gift after taking first place in the school mid-term exam
,
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apply
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 gained academic knowledge no matter what the test result is
resulted
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resulting
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 from the
eager
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eagerness
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 to win the gift.
This
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 highlights the significance of engaging
and
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an
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 effort
delve
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to delve
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 into the processes of pursuing goals.
However
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, others disagree with the view
children
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 should be taught the standard that efforts
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to endless achievements, resulting from the
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subsequently
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subsequent
show examples
petential
Correct your spelling
potential
 harm to
children
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's confidence and inadequate
standaards
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standards
. Specifically,
children
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 who were taught the
sence
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sense
 may be negatively
effected
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affected
show examples
 by regarding final goal to be the sole determination of the fulfillment, potentially
drive
Wrong verb form
driving
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 to a determination on their personal
confidnece
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confidence
 when they fail to reach their goals.
Additionally
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,
children
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 who hold the sense
my
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may
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overlooked
Wrong verb form
overlook
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 the significance of
process
Correct article usage
the process
show examples
, solely concentrating
to complete
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on completing
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 the tasks, leading to a
disrespective
Correct your spelling
disrespected
 in the progress of
practicing
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practising
show examples
 and training. In summary, despite teaching the sense of effort leading to
children
Use synonyms
's personal
achievelment
Correct your spelling
achievement
achievements
in
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to
show examples
 some extent, it may cause
negative
Add an article
a negative
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 inadequate social standard and
inconfidence
Correct your spelling
in confidence
confidence
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are logically structured, and each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. Aim to make each point clearly support the overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Proofread your essay to catch grammatical and spelling errors, which can detract from the overall quality of your writing. For instance, correct 'signigicance' to 'significance' and 'sence' to 'sense.'
Task Achievement
Enhance your clarity by breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones. This will help avoid confusion and make your ideas more accessible to the reader.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific, varied examples to support your arguments. Instead of mentioning a vague example like receiving a gift for a mid-term exam, describe an anecdote or statistic that clearly illustrates your point.
Coherence and Cohesion
You effectively introduce and conclude your essay, providing a clear sense of your main argument from the start and bringing it together at the end.
Task Achievement
You address both advantages and disadvantages of the idea that children can achieve anything if they try hard enough, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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