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Band 5.5

in somes areas of US, Teenagers cann't be out of doors at night. Do you argree or disargree

#somes #areas #teenagers #cann #doors #night #argree #disargree
minor can'
t
 be out of the gate at
night
 has become an integral part of the rising debate in the present world, including Vietnam.
While
 components of the argument are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
,
however
, the opponents are completely against the relevance of the "
Teenagers
 can'
t
 be out of
doors
 at
night
". I will discuss some of the biggest causes associated with "
Teenagers
 can'
t
 be out of
doors
 at
night
", before suggesting possible solutions. To commence with, the main cause related to "
Teenagers
 can'
t
 be out of
doors
 at
night
" is that it is harmful to them. The reason for
this
 is that there are robbers.
Moreover
, some areas of the US have wanted criminals, they have guns so it is hazardous to hang out at
night
.
In addition
, another undeniable cause is if the driver drives a car don'
t
 be careful.
For example
, Some people went out at
night
 and met robbers, they were robbed of their vehicles and properties and
then
 killed. In my opinion, the best approach to overcome "
Teenagers
 can'
t
 be out of
doors
 at
night
" is they don'
t
 should hang out at
night
 and stay at home, watching television or relaxing with something else. It is often argued that in fact really harmful to them.
Furthermore
, they can lose their lives when they go out at
night
 when they meet robbers.
To conclude
, the "
Teenagers
 can'
t
 be out of
doors
 at
night
" has become a crucial part of our lives. It has now been shown that the main causes related to "
Teenagers
 can'
t
 be out of
doors
 at
night
" are
relly
Correct your spelling
really
show examples
 harmful to them. but the best solution to overcome
that is
 they don'
t
 should hang out at
night
 and stay at home, relax by something else. It is expected that
this
 trend will continue to increase in the future
Submitted by 205huyle on

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coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clear stance in your introduction and maintaining it throughout your essay. Currently, it reads like a mix of discussion and opinion, which may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. Right now, the essay repeats ideas, particularly the dangers of going out at night.
task achievement
Include more specific, detailed examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Work on your sentence structure and grammar. For example, 'they don't should hang out' should be 'they should not hang out.' Simple grammatical errors can detract from the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses an important issue of safety for teenagers, which is a relevant and necessary topic.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion in your essay, which helps frame your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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