Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
There are numerous cases
Change preposition
in that
that
people tend to apply a variety of treatments rather than meeting professionals. Correct pronoun usage
which
To begin
, this
is a controversial topic that affects the standard of living for citizens in the country as the
Correct article usage
apply
health
is a major aspect of our life.
One of the positive developments is a
low cost of medicines given to patients Correct article usage
the
comapred
to the Correct your spelling
compared
one
from Correct pronoun usage
ones
Add an article
the pharmacy
a pharmacy
pharmacy
. Fix the agreement mistake
pharmacies
Hence
, patients prefer to find pills from online shops to get delivered to not increase their daily expenses significantly. This
could be a suited solution for a low income
group since an inflow of cash into the account is lower than outflow regularly. Add a hyphen
low-income
Therefore
, this
would benefit patients if the medicine works well without any side effects.
However
, one of the shortcomings of finding other alternatives is that it may backfire patent's
Correct your spelling
patient's
health
condition badly. A minority of medicine producers tend to maximise their profit instead
of taking care of their consumers' health
condition
. Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
For example
, some producers in South Korea took out some materials from pills and sold it
to their consumers without informing them, leading to deteriorate symptoms of the disease. Correct pronoun usage
them
Thus
, the disease grow
Change the verb form
grows
further
without any acknowledgement, plus, the timing to apply geniue medicines could be late.
In conclusion, I personally argue that negative
outputs of alternatives for medicine Correct article usage
the negative
is
greater than the positive outputs as there is no guarantee of improvement in Change the verb form
are
a
Remove the article
apply
health
status. Therefore
, the government should impose regulation
for online trading for medicines to prevent unexpected disasters.Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and establishes the context. However, it could be more specific to outline the main arguments you plan to discuss.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is well-developed with ample evidence and examples. For instance, the example about South Korean medicine producers could be elaborated further.
coherence cohesion
Aim to include a clearer thesis statement in your introduction, providing a brief summary of your main arguments. This will help in understanding your stance clearly from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more fluidly. Try using a variety of cohesive devices to ensure that the essay flows smoothly between points and paragraphs.
overall
Correct minor grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'comapred' should be 'compared', 'patent's' should be 'patient's'). These small adjustments can make your essay more polished and professional.
logical structure
You have a clear and structured format with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
supported main points
You present both sides of the argument, examining the positives and negatives of alternative medicines.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, along with a recommendation.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?