IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phone. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

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This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 graph shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in some European countries in 2005. Starting with the
first rate
Add a hyphen
first-rate

It appears that first rate is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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, the highest number belongs to Poland with more than 30
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent

It seems that percents may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. Italy has the
second worst
Add a hyphen
second-worst

It seems that second worst is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 unemployment index for its citizens aged 15 to 24. In their turn Hungary and Germany have almost identical digits which are lower than the previous ones for Poland and Italy. Denmark has the lowest percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24. The number is less than 10 percent which is quite impressive. Another index is about the
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 unemployment in each country mentioned above. The worst rate in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 category
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 belongs to Poland with more than 20 percent of its population jobless. It is interesting because no other country in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 graph has
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a high percentage. The second place is for Germany where 1 in 5 of its citizens is jobless. Italy and Hungary have lower digits than Germany’s one. And the best total unemployment rate is in Denmark where only 1 in 10 people is without a job.

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introduction conclusion
Consider adding an introduction and a conclusion to frame your analysis. This will help provide a clearer structure and make your essay more cohesive.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your points better. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
supported main points
Support your statements with more detailed examples. For instance, explaining why certain countries have higher or lower unemployment rates would add depth to your analysis.
complete response
The essay provides a complete response to the task by addressing both youth and overall unemployment rates in the given countries.
clear comprehensive ideas
The main points are clear and provide a good overview of the data presented in the graph, making it comprehensible for the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cashless society
  • digital payment systems
  • financial institutions
  • transparency
  • illegal activities
  • privacy reasons
  • digital trace
  • technologically challenged
  • cybersecurity threats
  • technical failures
  • cultural attachments
  • resistant to change
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