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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it does not matter if a professional sportsman or sportswoman misbehaves on or off the field if they play well. What is your opinion about this?

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Professional
athletes
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 occupy a unique position in society, often idolized by
fans
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 and scrutinized by the media. As public figures, their
actions
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 off the field can influence public opinion and impact their professional careers.
While
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 some people believe that an athlete's off-field
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behavior
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behaviour
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 is irrelevant as long as they perform well in their sport, others argue that their conduct outside of competition is equally important.
This
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 essay will argue that professional
athletes
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 should be held accountable for their
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behavior
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behaviour
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 both on and off the field, emphasizing the
role
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 they play as
role
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 models and the potential consequences for their teams and sponsors.
Athletes
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 often serve as
role
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 models, particularly for young
fans
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 who look up to them.
For example
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, LeBron James is widely respected not only for his basketball skills but
also
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 for his charitable work and positive public
demeanor
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demeanour
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. His
actions
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 off the court,
such
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 as opening a school for underprivileged children, demonstrate a commitment to making a positive impact beyond sports.
Such
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behavior
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behaviour
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 can inspire
fans
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 to engage in their communities and strive for personal excellence.
Therefore
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,
athletes
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' off-field
actions
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 are significant because they can encourage positive
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 and values in society.
Additionally
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, an athlete's conduct can have serious implications for their team's image and financial stability.
For instance
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, when a player is involved in a legal scandal or displays poor sportsmanship, it can lead to negative publicity, which may result in the loss of sponsorships and a decline in fan support. The situation involving the former NFL player Aaron Hernandez, who was convicted of murder, not only shocked
fans
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 but
also
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 had a severe impact on the New England Patriots' reputation and brand.
Such
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 incidents highlight the importance of
athletes
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 maintaining good conduct to protect the integrity and profitability of their teams and the broader league. In conclusion, the
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behavior
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behaviour
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 of professional
athletes
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 off the field is an important aspect of their public persona and career.
While
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 athletic performance is their primary responsibility, their
actions
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 outside of their sport have significant implications for their
role
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 as
role
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 models and the reputation of their teams.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for
athletes
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 to uphold high ethical standards and demonstrate positive
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. Sports organizations should
also
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 play a
role
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 in encouraging and supporting
athletes
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 in maintaining these standards, ensuring a positive and responsible sports culture for all.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by presenting a clear opinion that is consistently supported throughout. However, ensure that you also briefly acknowledge the opposing viewpoint to provide a more rounded argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your coherence and cohesion are strong, make sure to maintain paragraph transitions to further enhance the fluidity of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough response to the task, presenting a balanced view with strong support for your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The organizational structure is clear, with a logical flow from introduction to conclusion and well-developed main points supported by relevant examples.
task achievement
You include specific and relevant examples to illustrate your ideas, such as mentioning LeBron James and Aaron Hernandez, which strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • influence
  • integrity
  • tarnish
  • reputation
  • consequences
  • inappropriate actions
  • morale
  • unity
  • negative environment
  • sponsorship
  • brand image
  • ethical considerations
  • athletic performance
  • respect
  • fairness
  • values
  • behavior
  • impact
  • public attitudes
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