IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the environmental problem has raised public awareness. It is believed by many that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 ought to raise the fuel price which is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 most effective way
for dealing
Change preposition
to deal
show examples
 with surrounding issues. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 do disagree with
this
 statement. Apparently,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have to admit that
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
show examples
 the price of petrol can reduce the usage of private
cars
 to some
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
. It is mainly because some people who usually drive fuel vehicles to work may indeed affected by
such
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 adjustment. To be specific, they may
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 likely to choose another transport like
subway
Correct article usage
the subway
show examples
 or bus
instead
 of their
cars
. So, generally, we can see a downward trend
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
cars
 on the road emitting less waste gas which is helpful for the environment.
However
,
such
 method mentioned above does not work in the long term. If
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 transport system is well-equipped enough
satisfying
Change the verb form
to satisfy
show examples
 every individual’s demand, people may
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 drive their own
cars
 and the traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 can be
also
 solved by doing
this
. So more bus routes and more railway
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
show examples
 should be constructed.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, to decrease air pollution by car exhaust, the more effective way is exploiting clean energy and encouraging electric
cars
.
Overall
, as what has been illustrated above, it can be confirmed that
although
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 fuel price can make some people
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not use their own
cars
, from a long-term view, changing the energy resources and improving the public transport system are more effective ways for air pollution.
Submitted by 2683213004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed and include relevant, specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, when discussing alternative energy sources or public transport improvements, provide concrete examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence within paragraphs. Ensure that every idea logically follows from the previous one, and that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
language use
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance the clarity and sophistication of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid structure to the overall response.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position on the topic, demonstrating an understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: