some people say the must not share violent on tv programm and news papres discuus and give openion

#people #tv #programm #news #papres #discuus #openion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

One of the most

controversail

Correct your spelling

controversial

issues today relates to

Change the verb form

sharing

show examples

war crimes and

violent

Replace the word

violence

show examples

on the screen and newspaper.

Alarge

Correct your spelling

A large

fraction of

population

Correct article usage

the population

show examples

belives

Correct your spelling

believes

show examples

that

this

Linking Words

had

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

led to an increase in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime numbers and has

badily

Correct your spelling

bad

effects

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

Use synonyms

in general

also

Linking Words

it is better to ban it from the

news

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay

Change the capitalization

show examples

am going to discuss

difeerent

Correct your spelling

different

points related to

this

Linking Words

isuue

Correct your spelling

issue

then

Linking Words

Change the capitalization

show examples

will eventually give my

openion

Correct your spelling

opinion

. Some

people

Use synonyms

agree that it is better to not share violent

news

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

the

Use synonyms

news paper

Correct your spelling

newspaper

show examples

, the main reason for believing

this

Linking Words

is that

youngs

Correct your spelling

young

show examples

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

children will learn from the

criminals

Change to a genitive case

criminal's

criminals'

show examples

many ideas and they will learn how to apply

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

, these

type

Fix the agreement mistake

types

show examples

programms

Correct your spelling

programmes

programs

will have bad effects on their

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

last

Linking Words

year a teenager from US admit a

crim

Correct your spelling

crime

show examples

he stole a grocery and when police officers ask him he said he

watch

Change the verb form

watches

show examples

a serious on TV and he did the same as the criminal at the TV show. The second reason it is better to cancel violent Tv shows from

Use synonyms

news papers

Correct your spelling

newspapers

show examples

is that when you

shre

Correct your spelling

these types of programmes you spread horo

between

Change preposition

among

show examples

society

Use synonyms

members,

people

Use synonyms

will not feel safe and they will act daily

responde

Correct your spelling

response

respond

to their

afferainess

Correct your spelling

fieriness

, usually

people

Use synonyms

nowadays

people

Use synonyms

take many

proceirures

Correct your spelling

procedures

to keep criminals

out side

Correct your spelling

outside

show examples

their door,

for

Linking Words

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

Change the capitalization

show examples

read an article about a man who

live

Change the verb form

lives

show examples

alone inside his house for 10 years when they ask him why you

didnot

Correct your spelling

did not

didn't

leave your house at

this

Linking Words

period he said he was afraid to be

killes

Correct your spelling

killed

like a guy he watched in

newspappers

Correct your spelling

newspapers

. In conclusion,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

violent newspapers

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

a damage effects

Correct the article-noun agreement

a damage effect

damage effects

show examples

society

Use synonyms

, in my

openion

Correct your spelling

opinion

Change the capitalization

show examples

think

govenents

Correct your spelling

governments

mus

Correct your spelling

must

show examples

put some rules to remove

such

Linking Words

news

Use synonyms

away from our

society

Use synonyms

Submitted by waleed.edu11 on Wed Jul 31 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your introduction does a good job of presenting the issue and your intention to discuss it, but there are numerous spelling and grammatical mistakes that can disrupt the reader's understanding. Make sure to proofread your work or use tools to help catch these errors.

task achievement

The essay needs more specific examples and explanations to substantiate the points you are making. Try to add more concrete evidence or scenarios that support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear but could be enhanced by using more cohesive devices such as linking phrases and transition words to ensure smooth flow from one point to the next.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion should provide a stronger summary of the key points discussed. This is a chance to reinforce your arguments and make a persuasive case for your point of view.

coherence cohesion

Remember to divide your essay into proper paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of that paragraph. This will help in organizing your thoughts better.

task achievement

Your essay covers multiple points of view, which shows a good understanding of the issue.

task achievement

The examples you did provide are relevant and help illustrate your points, even though more detail is needed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
47
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Museums and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than showing the cultures or artworks from other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is widely acknowledged that the arts play a critical part in the development of humankind's civilization. Aside from merely acting as a role of recreation, it has a more profound meaning of virtuosity. There are some who argue that only indigenous products should be exhibited in local museums. Personally, I take issue with this statement and will detail my viewpoints in the following paragraphs.
<4
band
Millions of people every year move to English-speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America, in order to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language? Give reasons for your answer.
More and more individuals from developing counties where English is not the first speaking language tend to migrate to a more advanced English-speaking country these days for better career and lifestyle opportunities. This essay will discuss why English has become such a crucial language and the value it holds in the whole world.
7
band
Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some argue that it is better to spend free time alone without the company of colleagues to prevent unnecessary talks, while others think differently because spending time together will develop friendships. This essay thinks that it is more important to grow a good connection with teammates.
4.5
band
"Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification
Some people argue that college students should learn things in addition to their major study. But, others maintain that they should focus on their main subjects instead of expanding their field of study. Personally, I support former idea, as learning different kinds of things would give people more beneficial opportunities and allow us to lead a fulfilling lives.
8
band
In many countries there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this?
It is argued that in our era, the time of capitalism and modernism, our planet has been destroyed by the effects of the Industrial Revolution and its outcomes. Furthermore, we know that climate change and boiling oceans are real dangers for all species on the earth. Additionally, a lot of articles and books have been published that tell us the only way is to control the level of carbon dioxide in our atmosphere.

some people say the must not share violent on tv programm and news papres discuus and give openion

Fully explain your ideas

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than showing the cultures or artworks from other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Millions of people every year move to English-speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America, in order to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language? Give reasons for your answer.

Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

"Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification

In many countries there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this?