Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe that there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your own oppinion
Nowadays, the scale of happiness changed.
This
happens due to
the changes in the world and a lot of substances integrated, which can affect our emotions. Nevertheless
, a diverse range of individuals assume that everyone is aware of his emotions, While
others believe that external reasons can impact them. In this
essay, I will elaborate on both views, and I will demonstrate my opinion.
To commence with, an array of individuals are swift to anger. They can get mad in angry with
no reason.Change preposition
for
Thus
, the mood around the nearby circle will affected too. For example
, new research from Cairo University illustrated that the smoker Egyotian are out of the mood when they wake up or during fasting, as a result
of they did not have their cigarette yet. In addition
, smokers want to have their normal dose of nicotine to feel better and complete the day. Moreover
, parents can be mot happy due to
the dearth of sleeping
. They are unable to sleep Replace the word
sleep
becauseof
a new baby and babies are crying. Correct your spelling
because of
Hence
, they can not have sufficient sleep.
Furthermore
, new commitments have been added to citizens
recently. This
made a lot of them are struggling and can not endure the situation. For example
, a study from Chigaco University demonstrated the proportion of individuals affected by inflation in the USA. The numbers showed that about half of the population is not satisfied. Moving further
, the high bills such
as,
electricity, gas, education and water made people work more shifts. Remove the comma
apply
This
made them not allowed to stay with their family or have leisure time to rest.
In conclusion, I believe that countries can learn from the UAE government. They hired a minister who was responsible for making the citizens
ecstatic. This
strategy made the citizens
at peak
of the satisfied people around the world. The government should stand with the Correct article usage
the peak
citizens
and provide more wages and compensation for their people.Submitted by mohannadsme on
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task response
The essay addresses the topic but can benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction; specify both views more explicitly and indicate the stance more clearly.
task response
Some examples provided are relevant but require clearer links to the main points being discussed. Ensure that each supporting idea directly reinforces the argument being made.
coherence cohesion
Logical development of ideas can be improved; consider using clearer transitions to connect your thoughts. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Try to use topic sentences to clarify the main idea of each paragraph. This will make your arguments easier to follow and enhance the overall structure of the essay.
task response
Proofread to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure; this will make your essay more polished.
task response
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your discussion.
task response
You have included relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.