Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe that there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your own oppinion

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Nowadays, the scale of happiness changed.

This

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happens

due to

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the changes in the world and a lot of substances integrated, which can affect our emotions.

Nevertheless

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, a diverse range of individuals assume that everyone is aware of his emotions,

While

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others believe that external reasons can impact them. In

this

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essay, I will elaborate on both views, and I will demonstrate my opinion. To commence with, an array of individuals are swift to anger. They can get mad in angry

with

Change preposition

for

show examples

no reason.

Thus

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, the mood around the nearby circle will affected too.

For example

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, new research from Cairo University illustrated that the smoker Egyotian are out of the mood when they wake up or during fasting,

as a result

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of they did not have their cigarette yet.

In addition

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, smokers want to have their normal dose of nicotine to feel better and complete the day.

Moreover

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, parents can be mot happy

due to

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the dearth of

sleeping

Replace the word

sleep

show examples

. They are unable to sleep

becauseof

Correct your spelling

because of

a new baby and babies are crying.

Hence

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, they can not have sufficient sleep.

Furthermore

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, new commitments have been added to

citizens

Use synonyms

recently.

This

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made a lot of them are struggling and can not endure the situation.

For example

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, a study from Chigaco University demonstrated the proportion of individuals affected by inflation in the USA. The numbers showed that about half of the population is not satisfied. Moving

further

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, the high bills

such

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Remove the comma

apply

show examples

electricity, gas, education and water made people work more shifts.

This

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made them not allowed to stay with their family or have leisure time to rest. In conclusion, I believe that countries can learn from the UAE government. They hired a minister who was responsible for making the

citizens

Use synonyms

ecstatic.

This

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strategy made the

citizens

Use synonyms

peak

Correct article usage

the peak

show examples

of the satisfied people around the world. The government should stand with the

citizens

Use synonyms

and provide more wages and compensation for their people.

mohannadsmeWed Jul 31 2024

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task response

The essay addresses the topic but can benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction; specify both views more explicitly and indicate the stance more clearly.

task response

Some examples provided are relevant but require clearer links to the main points being discussed. Ensure that each supporting idea directly reinforces the argument being made.

coherence cohesion

Logical development of ideas can be improved; consider using clearer transitions to connect your thoughts. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.

coherence cohesion

Try to use topic sentences to clarify the main idea of each paragraph. This will make your arguments easier to follow and enhance the overall structure of the essay.

task response

Proofread to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure; this will make your essay more polished.

task response

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your discussion.

task response

You have included relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe that there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your own oppinion

‏For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and math. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extend do you agree?

More and more people are using the internet to do their tasks rather than doing in person. Does the advantage of this trend outweigh the disadvantege?

Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion.

Some people believe that television programmes are of no real value for children. How far do you agree or disagree?