Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe that there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your own oppinion

#people #happiness #factors #influence #oppinion

Nowadays, the scale of happiness changed.

This

happens

due to

the changes in the world and a lot of substances integrated, which can affect our emotions.

Nevertheless

, a diverse range of individuals assume that everyone is aware of his emotions,

While

others believe that external reasons can impact them. In

this

essay, I will elaborate on both views, and I will demonstrate my opinion. To commence with, an array of individuals are swift to anger. They can get mad in angry

with

Change preposition

for

show examples

no reason.

Thus

, the mood around the nearby circle will affected too.

For example

, new research from Cairo University illustrated that the smoker Egyotian are out of the mood when they wake up or during fasting,

as a result

of they did not have their cigarette yet.

In addition

, smokers want to have their normal dose of nicotine to feel better and complete the day.

Moreover

, parents can be mot happy

due to

the dearth of

sleeping

Replace the word

sleep

show examples

. They are unable to sleep

becauseof

Correct your spelling

because of

a new baby and babies are crying.

Hence

, they can not have sufficient sleep.

Furthermore

, new commitments have been added to

citizens

recently.

This

made a lot of them are struggling and can not endure the situation.

For example

, a study from Chigaco University demonstrated the proportion of individuals affected by inflation in the USA. The numbers showed that about half of the population is not satisfied. Moving

further

, the high bills

such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

electricity, gas, education and water made people work more shifts.

This

made them not allowed to stay with their family or have leisure time to rest. In conclusion, I believe that countries can learn from the UAE government. They hired a minister who was responsible for making the

citizens

ecstatic.

This

strategy made the

citizens

peak

Correct article usage

the peak

show examples

of the satisfied people around the world. The government should stand with the

citizens

and provide more wages and compensation for their people.

Submitted by mohannadsme on Wed Jul 31 2024

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task response

The essay addresses the topic but can benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction; specify both views more explicitly and indicate the stance more clearly.

task response

Some examples provided are relevant but require clearer links to the main points being discussed. Ensure that each supporting idea directly reinforces the argument being made.

coherence cohesion

Logical development of ideas can be improved; consider using clearer transitions to connect your thoughts. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.

coherence cohesion

Try to use topic sentences to clarify the main idea of each paragraph. This will make your arguments easier to follow and enhance the overall structure of the essay.

task response

Proofread to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure; this will make your essay more polished.

task response

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your discussion.

task response

You have included relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

318 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe that there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your own oppinion

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local person when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Universities and colleges are now offering qualifications through distance learning from the Internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

roads will be safer if cyclist pass exsam each year. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe older employees are more useful to a company. Others believe that younger employees are more useful in modern world. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.