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Writing Samples
Band 4

Dangerous sports activities are activities that include high level of risk and sense of adventure.

#sports #activities #level #risk #sense #adventure
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Dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 are
activities
Use synonyms
 that include
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 level of risk and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of adventure. Nowadays
sports
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 have many types so some
people
Use synonyms
 do
sports
Use synonyms
 to keep them fit
however
Linking Words
 there are other
sports
Use synonyms
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 put them in
dangerous
Replace the word
danger
show examples
.
people
Use synonyms
 who choose dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 have their own n reasons to do
this
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
, they may want to try something different or wild, or they may like the risk and the adventure. I believe that it’s important
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
rescue
Use synonyms
workers
Use synonyms
 because they are trained and have experience more than anyone else.
For instance
Linking Words
,
rescue
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workers
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 have more experience than other
people
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 because they are training more. They tried these
activities
Use synonyms
 several times that’s why they should help others
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their first try in order to decrease the chance of making mistakes. because a small mistake in
this
Linking Words
 kind of
Use synonyms
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 can be catastrophic and may end lives.
In addition
Linking Words
,
rescue
Use synonyms
workers
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 have suitable equipment for these
activities
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 with high qualities so
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can provide more safe opportunities.
In addition
Linking Words
, even when those
people
Use synonyms
 get experienced it’s better to have
rescue
Use synonyms
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 because
this
Linking Words
 type of
Use synonyms
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 shouldn’t be
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 individually. They need
people
Use synonyms
 to help in emergency situations.
To conclude
Linking Words
, all the
sports
Use synonyms
 are very helpful including the extreme ones but, in my opinion, dangerous or risky
activities
Use synonyms
 should be accompanied by
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 experienced
rescue
Use synonyms
workers
Use synonyms
 in order to decrease the chance of making mistakes. Because making mistakes in
such
Linking Words
 situations can cause
tragedy ending
Replace the word
tragic ends
show examples
.
Submitted by moneeraawda on

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear idea of what the essay will cover. However, work on refining it to better link the idea of dangerous sports with the main thesis, which is the importance of having rescue workers.
task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas with more relevant and specific examples. Adding a variety of details can illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should maintain a logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases to enhance coherence between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed arguments and examples. Explain why certain measures are necessary and how they contribute to safety in dangerous sports.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces the idea that dangerous sports should be accompanied by experienced rescue workers.
task achievement
The essay covers the key points required to address the topic, showing a reasonable understanding of the subject.
coherence cohesion
You provide clear reasons why rescue workers should be present during dangerous sports activities, showing your ability to argue a viewpoint.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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