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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some state that students should be able to study their choice of preference in secondary-level education,
while
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 others argue that they should be restricted to more useful
subjects
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 which are related to
science
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 and
technology
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. Even though learning
science
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 and
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technology related
Add a hyphen
technology-related
show examples
subjects
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 gives better
job
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 opportunities, I believe that the
job
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satisfaction
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 provided by learning what you like is more important in the long run. On the one hand, majoring in
science
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 and
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technology related
Add a hyphen
technology-related
show examples
subjects
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 in universities will provide the individual with a variety of
job
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 opportunities.
For example
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, students who
studies
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study
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science
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 and
technology
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 in their universities have more options as there are many fields to choose a
job
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 from.
This
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 is because
science
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 is the base for many occupations in health,
technology
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, engineering, agriculture and so on.
Therefore
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, when a student focuses mainly on
science
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 and
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technology related
Add a hyphen
technology-related
show examples
subjects
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 during their secondary education period, they cover the basic
subject
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 matter which is required for many jobs.
However
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,
this
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 alone will not guarantee future
satisfaction
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.
On the other hand
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, university students should learn what they like because of the
satisfaction
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 it brings. When choosing an occupation, it is important to choose something you enjoy doing,
therefore
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 it is crucial to pick a
subject
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 you enjoy learning.
Job
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 performance tends to increase in higher percentages when people love what they do for a living.
For instance
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, famous singer, Taylor Swift once said that she is more passionate about her work than anyone else and her love for what her do keeps her performance at a higher level.
Therefore
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, I believe that learning what you prefer as a university
subject
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 is more important. In conclusion,
although
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 learning
science
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 and
technology
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 in university will provide
with
Correct pronoun usage
me with
show examples
 various
job
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 opportunities, I believe in freedom of choice when picking a
subject
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 as
job
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satisfaction
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 is more beneficial in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.

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task achievement
To enhance your essay, ensure that each main point is thoroughly developed with concrete and relevant examples, and balanced explanations supporting both views.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more connective phrases and transitional words to smoothly guide the reader through your arguments. This will boost the flow and cohesion of your essay.
general
Double-check for grammatical accuracy and avoid repetition of phrases to improve clarity and originality.
task achievement
Your essay presents both perspectives clearly and provides a balanced discussion, which is a significant aspect of Task Response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, effectively outlining your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You’ve effectively highlighted the relevance of job satisfaction through your examples, particularly using Taylor Swift’s passion for her career.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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