IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
indivisual
Correct your spelling
individual
individuals
 claim
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 it is good to
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 young
children
Use synonyms
 to have a
heallthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
 diet at
school
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others believe that parents
Add a missing verb
are responsibility
show examples
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
show examples
to educate
Change preposition
for educating
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to have
a healthy
Remove the article
healthy food
a portion of healthy food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
 will discuss both aspects and articulate the given problem
along with
Linking Words
 my opinion and logical conclusion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, staying fit and healthy at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age will enhance
younge
Correct your spelling
young
children
Use synonyms
 to live longer. First of all,
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
every one
Correct your spelling
everyone
show examples
enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoys
show examples
 eating junk
food
Use synonyms
 because it is made in two
minute
Change to a plural noun
minutes
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
 the cost of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
 is cheaper than healthy
food
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as KFC
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
families
Change noun form
families'
family's
show examples
 responsibility toward
Use synonyms
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
 is to prevent them from buying bad quality
food
Use synonyms
 and set a plan at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age,
children
Use synonyms
 should get
use
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
 to eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
 at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age so in the future when they try fast
food
Use synonyms
 they
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 love it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, parents should prepare their
food
Use synonyms
 before going to
school
Use synonyms
 and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 their lunch
box
Fix the agreement mistake
boxes
show examples
 ready for the day.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of eating fast
food
Use synonyms
my
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 lead to
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
blod suger
Correct your spelling
blood sugar
 and
blod
Correct your spelling
blood
 pressure.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 is responsible
of
Change the preposition
for
show examples
tacking
Correct your spelling
taking
show examples
 care of young
children
Use synonyms
 by providing extracurricular activities
such
Linking Words
 as football ,basketball running
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 and
waht
Correct your spelling
what
want
 to eat.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the united arab
emitares
Correct your spelling
Emirates
 schools are
challinging
Correct your spelling
challenging
 each
othr
Correct your spelling
other
 in activities and will win
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
show examples
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
amounts
 of money
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 will be encouraged. In a nutshell, despite people having
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
 views, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 are responsible
of
Change the preposition
for
show examples
keping
Correct your spelling
keeping
 young
children
Use synonyms
 healthy and fit since parents busy working all day.

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Task Response
Make sure to address both views in more detail to achieve a more balanced discussion. The essay should clearly define both perspectives before presenting your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve logical flow by ensuring each paragraph has a clear idea and follows logically from the previous one. Try to make your argument more cohesive.
Language Use
Use more precise language and correct grammatical errors to improve comprehension. Revise the essay to correct spelling errors and awkward phrasing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Conclude each paragraph with a sentence that ties the main point back to your overall argument. This will help in making the essay more cohesive.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states that the essay will discuss both views and provide an opinion.
Task Response
Some specific examples were used, such as mentioning KFC and the role of parents in preventing unhealthy eating habits.
Conclusion
The conclusion restates the writer's opinion clearly, helping to wrap up the essay.
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