IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people are of the opinion that being highly qualified is the only way to ensure a well-paying job. While others believe that having work experience is the best way to get a well-paying job. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #job #work
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A few
individuals
 believe
people
 having higher degrees are capable of getting better remuneration.
Whereas
, some
people
 opine that having
extensive
Correct article usage
an extensive
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 employment history can guarantee
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
show examples
 salary.
This
 essay will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views and argue in favour of the latter view. On the one hand, a few
people
 believe that
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated
show examples
individuals
 are the only
people
 who are
higher
Change preposition
in higher
show examples
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 and better paid. because they have vast knowledge from good mentors and
well equipped
Add a hyphen
well-equipped
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 laboratory facilities. These
individuals
 are
also
 provided with good internships from their institutions where they can understand
demands
Correct article usage
the demands
show examples
 of the market before working for any company .
Moreover
,
organizations
 believe that these
people
 are fast learners and
organizations
 can save their capital and manhours training them extensively. To illustrate, when a highly qualified engineer is recruited for a project with minimal training, he can start working on the project and be productive. which will save
organizations
 time and money.
On the other hand
,
Individuals
 having
on job
Correct your spelling
on-the-job
show examples
 work experience have higher remuneration and
offered
Add a missing verb
are offered
show examples
 superior positions for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 understanding of
current
Add an article
the current
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 market. So,
organizations
 prefer these
people
 as they do not need any training and can directly start working on the projects.
furthermore
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
people
 can guide upcoming graduates and
juniors
Change the noun form
junior
show examples
 employees with their expertise. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
people
 can
also
 play business strategizers by
bringing-in
Correct your spelling
bringing in
show examples
 contacts and business from the clients with whom they worked earlier, which will boost
to
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apply
show examples
company growth and capital. In conclusion, there are good
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for me to believe that
individuals
 with higher experience in their field are paid
with
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apply
show examples
high remuneration.
Submitted by jesujwal on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a more detailed introduction. Consider specifying the reasons behind both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences need clearer connections. For instance, use linking words to enhance the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Do not forget to proofread the essay for minor grammatical errors and typos such as 'this people' should be 'these people'.
task achievement
You have clearly discussed both views and provided your own opinion, which is great for task achievement.
task achievement
Your conclusion is concise and directly relates to the essay prompt, effectively summarizing your viewpoint.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the one involving engineers, helps to substantiate your points.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each view and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Highly qualified
  • Well-paying job
  • Securing
  • Knowledge
  • Expertise
  • Higher positions
  • Higher salaries
  • Practical skills
  • Real-world setting
  • Employers value
  • Professional connections
  • Ideal
  • Industry
  • Job role
  • Opinion
  • Experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: