Some people believe that the best way to improve the quality of healthcare in a country is to train and hire more doctors and nurses. Do you agree or disagree?
Many concerned parties believe that education and recruitment of
health care
professionals have a significant impact on the quality of healthcare in a country. I support Correct your spelling
healthcare
this
notion since this
concept not only could increase the access of whole
population to Change the article
the whole
Correct article usage
a wellbeing
wellbeing
program but Correct your spelling
well-being
also
it
could lead to Correct pronoun usage
apply
better
and more updated clinical approach to diseases and health problems.
To commence with, training new physicians and nurses can improve the patient-caregiver ratio. Correct article usage
a better
Therefore
, it could facilitate the access of people to more reliable medical recourses
and experts. To illustrate more, all Correct your spelling
resources
new
graduated Change the adjective
newly
health care
professionals in Iran Correct your spelling
healthcare
needs
to practice in disadvantaged and rural Correct subject-verb agreement
need
area
for 2 years. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Consequently
, this
deprived individuals Correct determiner usage
these
also
could take the benefits of academic medical skills and knowledge. So increasing the number of doctors and nurses could expand medical services to all people.
Moreover
, hiring new medical workforces conclude
better and more scientific services to Verb problem
provides
the
patients. Correct article usage
apply
In other words
, medical scientists could take the
Correct article usage
apply
advantages
of recent and reputable guidelines to provide better approaches to illnesses. Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
In addition
, Multidisciplinary
approach to disease would be possible with Correct article usage
a Multidisciplinary
existence
of different Add an article
the existence
kind
of specialists in the country. Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
For instance
, To have optimum management of some disease
like Diabetes endocrinologists, cardiologists , pharmacists and Psychologists should work with each other based on valid guidelines. Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
Thus
providing new and updated medical professionals can conclude more
integrated approach to disease.
In a nutshell, since having Correct article usage
a more
the
access to holistic and updated healthcare is one Correct article usage
apply
the
most significant Change preposition
of the
right
of human Fix the agreement mistake
rights
being
,it is important to have sufficient medical human resources.Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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task achievement
Your essay responds very well to the task and addresses the prompt clearly. However, some sentences could be refined for better clarity and coherence. For instance, consider improving the flow between sentences and sections to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is overall cohesive, there are a few instances where the transition between ideas could be smoother. Adding linking phrases and words will improve the logical flow of your essay. Also, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea.
task achievement
While you included some specific examples, ensuring that they are thoroughly explained and directly relevant to the points you are making can make your essay even stronger. For instance, providing clearer connections between your examples and your main argument will help readers better understand your points.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This sets up a strong foundation for the rest of your writing.
logical structure
You have a good logical structure in your essay, with clear points that are easy to follow. This makes your argument more compelling and convincing.
supported main points
The main points of your essay are well-supported with additional explanations and examples, which strengthens your argument overall.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.