In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this messages?
In all time of
history
Add a comma
history,
perants
words had a huge impact on their children. So, some argue that the kids must be told and Correct your spelling
parents
tought
that they can not live Correct your spelling
taught
thought
in
their perfect dreams, and they will give up on that, Change preposition
apply
while
others belive
that they can be told that they can achieve their targets as long as Correct your spelling
believe
the
put an Correct your spelling
they
enourmes
effort in it. In Correct your spelling
enormous
this
essay
I will discuss both ideas and will draw my personal conclusion.
On the first hand, the thought that they will not reach their desirable dreams, taking from their children Add a comma
essay,
the
hope and Correct article usage
apply
smack
them with the cruel reality, for that significant reason parents fear that their Wrong verb form
smacking
off spring
will suffer what they suffer at the beginning of their journey on their Correct your spelling
offspring
lifes
. Correct your spelling
lives
For example
, the father who dreamt with
being a football player, a very famous and ambitious one, when he went to the Change preposition
of
try outs
and faced the corruption of the football clubs, excepting only the players who are related to wealthy families, the father dream Correct your spelling
tryouts
evaporaited
in the sky, the father does not want Correct your spelling
evaporated
this
stuation
happens to his child again. So for that important Correct your spelling
situation
reason
some believe that Add a comma
reason,
this
a
strong Add a missing verb
is a
argue
to support Replace the word
argument
this
thought.
On the other hand
, some argue that they can tell their small ones that they can reach desire
, Correct pronoun usage
their desire
the
key Correct word choice
and the
for
that success is hard Change preposition
to
work
and disciplined
. Replace the word
discipline
For example
, if the person wanted to be a business man
, a famous and wealthy one, of Correct your spelling
businessman
course
he should go to university and Add the comma(s)
course,
acheive
high grades, open their private business, and never quit working, Correct your spelling
achieve
this
is a pure example of hard work
, most people who target their goals but do not work
, this
stuation
their goals are called dreams, and they can keep dreaming as long as the is no Correct your spelling
situation
work
. fot
Correct your spelling
For
this
reason they believe that the
can Correct your spelling
they
success
.
Replace the word
succeed
In addition
, they also
must keep in their mind that it will not easy
to reach the top, Add a missing verb
be easy
moreover
, it is even more diffcult
to stay on top. To illustrate, if a person wanted to be Correct your spelling
difficult
labeld
as a successful man, it Correct your spelling
labelled
will
not be as easy as it said to them. Wrong verb form
would
This
proves clearly that this
argue
has Replace the word
argument
eveidnce
that everything is Correct your spelling
evidence
acheivable
.
In conclusion, after a Correct your spelling
achievable
carful
analysis of both Correct your spelling
careful
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
Change preposition
of views
views
, I believe that Fix the agreement mistake
view
eveyrhing
is possible, if you have the mentality and the determination for it, Correct your spelling
everything
in addition
of
the enormous effort given.Change preposition
to
Submitted by farissaadksa on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction is clear and concise. The opening sentence is wordy and somewhat confusing, which can make it hard for readers to grasp your main point quickly. Simplifying this would help in making a stronger initial impression.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains several grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'perants' instead of 'parents,' 'enourmes' instead of 'enormous,' and 'fot' instead of 'for.' Proofreading your work or using a spell-check tool could improve your score significantly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss. Including one would strengthen the logical structure and give readers a roadmap of your argument.
task achievement
Both viewpoints are discussed, but the examples provided are not entirely relevant or clear. Adding more specific and relevant examples would strengthen your argument and improve task achievement.
task achievement
While your conclusion presents your personal viewpoint, it could be more strongly tied to the points discussed in the body of your essay to provide a comprehensive wrap-up.
task achievement
Your willingness to explore both sides of the argument is commendable. This balanced approach is crucial for a well-rounded essay.
coherence cohesion
The paragraph structure generally helps in organizing your thoughts logically, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.