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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.
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The chart depicts population information by
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in New Zealand between 2011 and 2012. In general, the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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population increased slightly by
cosidering
Correct your spelling
considering
 all
age
Use synonyms
 groups. The numbers under 40 years old
age
Use synonyms
 declined,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to that, from 40 to 65+ years
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 witnessed a rise. Regarding children
to
Change preposition
in
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teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 (under 15), there was a small fall in the percentage of change by 0.2% from 2011 to 2012. The proportion of decline was
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 to 39
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 even though their number of people was the highest comparing other groups at 1577256 and 1574102 in 2011 and 2012, respectively. Turing to 40-64
age
Use synonyms
group
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, the rate of change was 0.6% which showed a slight increase. Interestingly, the rate of change of
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 (65+) rocketed by 4% from 573946 to 596903, though it was the lowest number in both years comparing other
age
Use synonyms
 groups.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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