It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

It is true that in many
stats
Replace the word
statistics
show examples
not sufficient pupils are selecting to study
science
because of the hardness of the subject and the
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
in job sectors
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
too high among
science
graduates.
As a result
, new innovations could be reduced in those nations and they will easily be targeted by their
oppositions
Fix the agreement mistake
opposition
show examples
. First of all, studying
science
is not easy. It incorporates some hardest subjects e.g. physics and higher mathematics.
Additionally
, many
pople
Correct your spelling
people
believe that comprehension of these subjects
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
comparatively difficult without home
turor
Correct your spelling
tutor
.
Hence
, it increases the cost of living
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
a family. A study found that almost 25%
students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
from
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
group fail every year in the
O level
Add a hyphen
O-level
show examples
exam even though they keep
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
tutor, and the rate is the highest among other groups.
Secondly
, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
in
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
job
markets
Fix the agreement mistake
market
show examples
.
For example
, if someone
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
better programming than a college graduate, companies might hire
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better coders
for serving
Change preposition
to serve
show examples
their purpose rather
hiring
Correct word choice
than hiring
show examples
the graduated one.
For
this
reason, in some countries, many pupils fear to take
science
as a subject. New inventions will be stopped if the students are uninterested in
science
.
Therefore
, modern problems can not be addressed properly by the
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
. That could
cause
Verb problem
cost
show examples
humanity
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot.
For instance
, our current technologies are unable to predict earthquakes.
Hence
, millions of
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
are dying each year.
Therefore
, young innovative minds are necessary to address
this
problem.
Secondly
, countries that are not getting
science
pupils are lagging behind
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
the world. It is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they might not get great scientists in future generations.
Thus
, they will lose to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
enemies with no new way to save themselves from modern war gadgets. In conclusion, the hardship of comprehending
science
and the scarcity of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
because of the competition are the main causes why students are not taking
science
.
Eventually
Add a comma
Eventually,
show examples
there will be no new technologies and they will become easy
target
Fix the agreement mistake
targets
show examples
for their enemies.
Submitted by niloyirtisam on

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task achievement
To improve, try to restate the topic more clearly in the introduction. The beginning sentence could be formulated more strongly to clearly emphasize the main issue presented in the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a more seamless flow of ideas between paragraphs and within each paragraph. Use linking phrases and conjunctions effectively to create smoother transitions.
task achievement
Use more varied sentence structures and attempt to avoid informal or somewhat inaccurate phrases such as 'keep home tutor'. You could say 'even with private tutors' instead.
task achievement
Include more detailed, specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you might provide an example of a specific country or event that illustrates your points.
coherence cohesion
The use of precise academic vocabulary and grammar can further improve clarity and demonstrate a stronger command of written English.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents relevant points such as the difficulty of studying science and the competitive job market.
coherence cohesion
The overall logical structure is well-maintained, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math)
  • Perception of difficulty
  • Early exposure
  • Engaging experiences
  • Career opportunities
  • Practical applications
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural norms
  • Critical fields
  • Innovation
  • Economic development
  • Global competitiveness
  • Public health
  • Environmental issues
  • Scientific progress
  • Educational standards
  • Biodiversity loss
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical research
  • Job prospects
  • Research and technology
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